52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: 10 Things I Live For

I discovered this inspiration from one of my followers (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder).  I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read.  So...  I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

This week's topic is "10 Things I Live For."  ((or in my case: SEVEN things... hehe))

You would think that as a Wife, Mom, Independant Contractor, etc that I could come up with very easily those ten things.  Not so.  Off the top of my head, yes, I can come up with a couple of things that really drive me, things that really motivate me.  However, as I am writing this, I am still struggling to think of all ten. 

((FYI- these are not necessarily in order of importance.))

1.  Being a good Christian

 

I know, I know.  Some of you, my dear friends, do not believe as I do.  Some of you are not Christian.  Some of you are of other faiths, or are agnostic, or even atheist.  However, no matter what you fall under in the realm of religion or no religion, whether you realize it or not, you are living a life of faith, which some how drives you, your words, and your actions.  My faith has a name, has a God, has a manual, and has offered me a look at the Divine.  Having said that, I do live to be a better person.  I really do try to remember that His will for me, His convicting of me, His directing of me is not going to be the same for everyone around me.  I try to remember that He works in His time, and works within the constructs He made for us- our ability to choose for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.   Some people use society as their plumb line- I choose to use the example of Christ and the direction of the Holy Spirit and Bible.  I have a LONG way to go in my efforts to be more Christ-like, but I do try- sometimes minute-by-minute.

2.  Being a Proverbs 31 Wife

I know DH brags on me quite a bit to his friends.   I am honored that he is proud of me and the way I keep the house, or the way I take care of him and the Kiddo.  However, I know my own short-comings, and as a wife, I know I can use a lot of improvement.  I strive to improve myself in all those areas that will most benefit my marriage and my family.  I have been ridiculed by some well-meaning friends that I need to focus more on myself, that I need to make sure I take time for myself, etc.   I disagree whole-heartedly.  While I do not see anything wrong with women who do that, for me-Hubby comes first.  I married with the intention of being supportive at the expense of my own dreams and goals.  I married with the intention of being a good steward of the income DH brings home, of the home we live in, of the material possessions we own.  Still, the best of intentions fall short as I still often linger over unfulfilled dreams, as I sink into thoughts of sacrifices made.  I am, after all, human.  Only recently, the Lord has afforded me doors and windows that allow me the opportunity to see some of those dreams I thought were long-gone actually start to come true.   This unexpected blessing motivates me to work even harder at being a wife that supports DH, that helps him, encourages him, and reflects God's Will in our marriage.

3.  Being a Better Mommy

Being a "good mom" means different things to different people.  I learned early on as a Mom that I cannot compare my parenting to another Mom.  I choose to discipline using a variety of methods- spanking among them, while many of my friends frankly think my use of spanking is barbaric and cruel.  I choose to educate my son at every opportunity.  I was ridiculed for giving my son flash cards to teach him how to read and spell for his 2nd birthday.   I have been ridiculed for not letting him play in the street, for not letting him wander off on his own, for allowing him to have his own computer, for giving him too many chores, not enough chores, and on and on.  However, I have learned this: while I am not a perfect mom, and never will be, so long as my son knows how much I love him, and that everything I do is because of that love, I believe I am still the best Mommy for him.  Regardless, I also know that as he grows, tried and true methods will fail and I will need to invent new creative ways to keep his attention, to earn his trust, and to teach him respect (for himself, myself, and others.)  So I daily strive to be a better Mom today than I was yesterday.

4.  To learn

I really am a student of life.  I love to learn.  However, I have discovered over the past few years that I am going to have to relearn quite a bit that I had previously known.  (I have an atrocious memory, and it just gets worse and worse.)  My favorite subjects are Theology, Environmental Science, Biology, and Cultural Studies.  Theology, I guess, is an obvious one.  However, I do not just enjoy learning about my own Faith, I am also very interested in learning about other Faiths.  (Note- I do not call them religions.  I do not care about religion.  I DO care about what people BELIEVE and why.  The reason for that is a topic for another post.)  Environmental Science and Biology interests stem from my beliefs, which branch off into my personal belief that this world is a stewardship, and we are responsible to take care of it for the sake of our children's children, and because, as I have said over and over before, there is nothing in Creation that does not reflect Divine intention.  Then there is my interest in Cultural Studies.  This really comes from my family history.  Because of my ties to Poland and Germany, and because of suspected ties to a Jewish heritage, I am fascinated with my own family cultural heritage, and that has created in me a deep fascination with other cultures as well. 

5.  To conquer

While my medical issues are nowhere near as severe as others, and they certainly are not life-threatening, I struggle on a daily basis to keep the medical issues from being a problem in my life.  I daily strive to push down the feelings of frustration when pain limits my abilities.  I daily strive to conquer feelings of helplessness and despair, which so easily lead me into depression, because I do not have the time for those feelings, AND those feelings affect my family.  Granted, the past four and half years have been much, much easier to deal with then the three before that (when we were in Hawaii), but the struggle is still a daily thing.  I am happy to say that for the most part, I have been successful in conquering each day.

6.  To let go

Love, life, relationships.  Being a MilSpouse, being a hermit, and being independent means that I often step on toes, hurt feelings, and cut myself off in the process.  I learned somewhere along the way that hanging on to my own hurt feelings only adds to bitterness, and bitterness is a very hard thing to get rid of and get over.  I have seen the damage bitterness does in marriages, in families, and in friendships.  As a result, I have taught myself to let it go. 

7.  I live...

I truly cannot think of much more that I live for beyond what I have already listed.  So for the final one I guess I have to say that I live- to live.  My life is not one full of regrets.  Yes, I have made many mistakes over the years.  Yes, I have seen my own ugly side, have seen horrible things come about as results of my words or actions.  Yes, there is much that I "could" regret.  However,  my life so far is the culmination of triumphs and mistakes.  All of the past is a testament to lessons learned.  So from this day forward, I live for all of the above so that my life is fuller and without regret.

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: Who I Am

I discovered this inspiration from one of my followers (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder).  I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share is not necessarily what everyone wants to read.  So...  I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

Week One: Who I Am

Christian

First and foremost, I am a Christian.  I know that might sound cliche to many of you.  However, this is fact.  I feel love from my God and for my God as tangible as the love I feel for my DH and as intense and heart-consuming as the love I feel for my son.  I was raised in a Christian environment, but learned early on that just because someone says they are a Christian does not mean that is so.  I have spent much of my Christian life (I was saved in the 3rd grade) doing my best to live in His Will, to never stop communicating with Him, and to become less hesitant to share those incredible things He has done in my life.   I hope to reflect Him more in my words and my actions, to include the things I post on my blog.   One thing I hope I can make clear is that being a Christian does not mean I am better than anyone else.  What it means is that I realize I am NOT better, but that I am just as flawed and broken.  I have the same fears, doubts, and struggles as anyone else.  However, I also have joy, faith, hope, and salvation.  All the best things about me are due to my Faith.

MilSpouse

While I am proud of my experience in the Air Force and Air Force Reserves, the hardest military job I have held is that of a MilSpouse.  I love my DH.  He has so many incredible qualities that drew me to him in the first place.  I had this incredible (most of my friends said "impossible") list of qualities I wanted in my husband.  Up till I met DH, the guys I dated barely met a handful of those qualities.  It was a list of 44 criteria, and I was perfectly willing to remain single until I found the one who fit them all, even if that meant I would never marry.  As we dated, and I realized he fit more and more of them, I also found myself falling in love with him.  At some point in our early relationship, I forgot about the list.  It was not till we had been married for several years that I rediscovered the list, and going over it, found he fits ALL 44 criteria plus several more that I did not list.  Now, because he is in the Military, I find myself often without my soul mate and best friend.  That is the hardest part.  I respect him for his sacrifice.  I trust him with my heart.  I honor him as he fulfills his duty to his country.  Yet, I also find myself jealous of the time he spends away.  I sometimes find myself bitter at having to play the roles of both Mom and Dad.  Filling the role of MilSpouse has its own unique set of challenges, and its own set of unique rewards.  Above all, I am just so proud to stand next to DH as he stands up for our Country and the values she still holds dear.

Mom

Nine years ago, my life changed in ways no one could have ever accurately define or describe.  Frankly, I never wanted to have children.  I wanted to go and see and do and be on the move.  Having children often hinders that kind of life.  Plus, I long ago lost faith in the world as a place in which to bring a child up.  Yet, DH and I were surprised to discover I was pregnant (Kiddo was not planned for... LOL).  Funny thing is, while I was (don't judge me too harshly) horrified at the prospect of being a Mom, DH was thrilled to become a Dad.  I carried my fears and doubts all through my pregnancy.  I worried so much that I would be a poor Mom, that I would damage our child, that I would hold him back, that I would not allow him to soar- all fears that I still live with on a day-to-day basis, but fears that I have learned to keep in check.  I was terrified even through the labor pains... Right up until he was born and I got to hold him, all I knew of being a Mom scared the crap out of me.  But holding him in my arms for the first time, and holding his perfect little hand, seeing his perfect little face, all those fears mingled with a love that no one but another Mom can understand.  Suddenly, those fears were not crippling.  Suddenly, those doubts were not all-consuming.  No, they did not go away.  They simply did not matter as much as the huge swelling in my heart- till I felt like it would burst from being so full.  Now, at nine years, I look back and realize, I may not be a perfect Mom, but with every hug, kiss, cuddle, and prayer, I am the best Mom I can be for him.  Now I look back and laugh at the fears and doubts that riddled my pregnancy.

Sister

I grew up a child of a split home.  No- My Dad and Mom were both present throughout my entire childhood, and they are still together today.  What I mean is, I grew up knowing I had three sisters, but because two of them were from a previous marriage, I only knew my biological sister.  I have a very special relationship with my baby sister.  She is my best friend.  She is the one I go to when I need the God-honest truth.  When I need a dose of reality, a kick in the butt, a listening ear, a soothing reminder of God's grace, I call my sister.  She and I may not always see eye-to-eye, but we need each other like grass needs rain, so we keep our differences out in the open, but never in each other's face.  I treasure my relationship with my sister like no other relationship I have ever had with anyone besides my Hubby and my son.  However, I also have two half-sisters.  I knew one of them better than the other, but both were always so far away.  Its only been in the last few years that I have been able to re-establish contact with both of them, and we are slowly building the framework of strong relationships.  I find it so amazing and beautiful that my three sisters are so alike and so different in so many ways, and in comparing those two to my sister and myself, I have found that we resemble each other much more than seems possible!  It is my sincere hope and desire to be able to have a "sister reunion" where we can spend some time face to face and really have a chance to get to know each other. 

The rest of the things that make me who I am are merely definers...  All the following things help define who I am, but I am not bound to any of them.  Some have been part of me since I was little, others I have grown into.

Veteran
I served in the US Air Force for several years.  I started training to be a Linguist, but ended up becoming a Medical Technician.  I served the bulk of my career in San Antonio where I had the pleasure to work with cancer patients and then in a family practice setting.  I also served in the AF Reserves for a few years where I had the opportunity to actually travel quite a bit more than while I was Active Duty.  (Figures, LOL)  Both experiences changed my life, many of my views, and my outlook on the sacrifices our Military Members make every day for a Country that is sometimes very ungrateful.

Bookworm
I have had my nose in a book since I learned how to read.  I read everything except non-fiction (manual type).  While I enjoy all genre's, my favorites lean toward fantasy and science fiction with a select bit of historical fiction.  I abhor romance novels- well, ANY book that romanticizes promiscuity and sex outside of marriage.  I enjoy a good biography or autobiography, and have always had a special fascination with any survivor stories from WWI or WWII or the Holocaust.  My favorite authors include Terry Brooks, Frank Herbert, Pat Frank, Victoria Holt, Tolstoy, H.G. Wells, Tolkein, and so many more...

Author
I have dreamt of writing my own books since I was a girl.  I recently found story ideas that I had jotted down over the years that span all the way back to high school.  Some of the stories were inspired by books that changed my way of thinking, or books that challenged me to think outside the box, and others that just caused me to really stop and think about something I had never considered before.  Currently, I am co-writing a fiction book.  On top of that I am working on two different Bible Studies intended for women associated with the Military.  Then I have two of my own novels that I am working on when I have time.  Someday, I hope to see my work in print (or ebook).  I think I have talent and imagination when it comes to telling a story, but time will tell.  If nothing else, the formation of the characters and the plot is something I really enjoy bringing all together- bringing the story to life.

Photographer
I am rarely without my camera.  It is nothing fancy, and I have had absolutely zero training or education when it comes to photography.  However, I love snapping pictures of my favorite people and of God's creation.  I look at nature as proof of His love and devotion.  If He took such great pains to create such perfectly balanced, perfectly designed systems like we see in the human body, the life cycle of a plant, and the cycles of nature, how much more does He do for us without us ever realizing it?  Capturing creation on film reminds me everyday of the wonder and majesty of this world around us, as flawed as it has become under our care.  For samples of my photography please click on the tab above: Where We Live.

Nature Lover

Not to be confused with a tree-hugger, or a hippie, because I am neither.  I simply adore the world our God has created for us.  I may not like the damage humanity has wreaked on our planet.  I may not understand much of the logic that has driven men to take and take and take with no thoughts to our future generations, because Biblically, we are stewards of this planet, not takers.  I can not look at nature and not see God's hand in the details.  The immense amount of detail to make it all work did NOT just happen by accident.  My love of nature is, I hope, reflected in my amateur photography.  My little strides in conservation, using less to allow more for future generations, may not seem like a lot to environmentalists, but they are what they are.  I have plans to take bigger strides in the name of conservation, but each transition takes time and adjustment.   

Hermit

I am a multi-faceted person...  There is so much more to me than many people see because another huge characteristic that makes me who I am is that I am a hermit.  I shy away from most people, even those I care for deeply.  I do not like to be seen when I am pain, when I am struggling, and when I feel weak.  On the flip side, I also just enjoy most the company of my loved ones in the surroundings in which I am most comfortable- my home.  There are very few other places where I can sincerely feel like I can be myself, where I am comfortable sitting, relaxing, and sharing.  This tendency has cost me dearly many incredible friendships, for which I am sad, but on the flip side, so many other friendships have met me where I am and have truly stepped in to fill the sometimes huge gaps that I create.  (Its my hermit tendencies that keep me from making "Friend" one of the words that describe me, because in my own estimation of myself, I consider myself hard to be friends with.)

Again, there is so much more to me than can be shared in one single blog post.  But thank you for coming and reading and learning a little about me.  I have enjoyed sharing about myself.  Please be sure to check out the two delightful blogs I mentioned up near the top.  I am sure you will enjoy them as much as I have.