52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: My Life 5 Years From Now

I discovered this inspiration from one of my followers (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder).  I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read.  So...  I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

Ah... Where will I be five years from now? 

As a MilSpouse I can confidently say that only God and the Air Force knows.  hahaha

Okay, seriously.  Since I cannot for sure tell you where I will physically be, and frankly, I am not sure I want to because I certainly do not want all you people getting there before me.  LOL  So, lets just go with the things I know for sure, and the things I hope will be in five years.

As you can tell, in my mid-30's, I have enough gray hair to be mistaken for an older woman.   (and I do, all the time...)  I do not mind, my gray hair is a testament to the struggles I have and am walking through- lessons learned, wisdom gained, failures and successes. 

First, I can confidently say that unless my Lord calls me home before then, I will be 40 years old.  Now, I know most women (and men for that matter) hate the "Big 0's" in their lives.  I remember all my peers fussing over turning 30, and I have some friends who have surpassed 40, 50, and even 60 years of age.  Many of them seem to think that aging into the next decade means they have magically appeared older, that their bodies are going to suddenly start to fall apart, that they are over-night less attractive to their significant other, and the list goes on and on.  For me, I have never been concerned about getting older.  It might be due to the fact that I tend to gravitate toward older men and women as people I can better relate to, find to be easier to talk to, and seek to learn from.  Maybe.  Or it might be because I simply do not care that I am aging.  Another birthday, outside of celebrating with the people I love the most, is simply another day.  I have never woken up on a birthday and felt older.  I have never woken up on a birthday, looked in the mirror, and suddenly thought to myself that I have instantly fallen apart at the seems.  No.  Birthdays- particularly the ones that have a zero at the end, do not concern me beyond the surreal feeling of realizing that I have been on this planet for x number of years and do not feel like it has been that long at all.

 

Second, I will be the mother of a teenager.  Now, compared to birthdays, the concept of being a mom to a teen scares the crud out of me! Certainly, I am not the first mom to feel apprehension over having a teen in the house, nor will I be the last.  However, if you read my previous post where I revealed my great reluctance and fears over being a Mom to begin with, you might appreciate my concern over this stage in my life as a Mom.  I have great faith that he will surpass my expectations even as he will test his boundaries at every turn.  I am certain he will prove himself to be both independent, dependable, atypical, and just as hormonal as any other teen that has ever lived.  Plus, I am fairly certain that any particular pain or worry or struggle that I forced upon my own parents will come back to haunt me in the form of his teenage adventures.  I hope and pray that the Lord leads me (and my Kiddo.) 

 

Third, I will still be wife to DH, much as he might wish to trade me in for two younger versions (as he jokes from time to time.)  He will not get rid of me that easy!  LOL  In five years, DH and I will have been married for fourteen years.  Well.... ACTUALLY... We will have been married for three and half years, since we were married on Leap Day in 2004.  (His idea... and no, he does not get out of remembering our Anniversary every year, in case you gents are thinking this is a great way to not get in trouble for forgetting your wedding anniversary.)  We make it a point to celebrate each other every year, but on every Leap Year, we plan a special trip, weekend getaway, or vacation for just the two of us to really celebrate our love for each other.  Year 14 won't be one of those years, but no matter what we do or where we are, I am eager to celebrate this life together with him.

Fourth, I certainly hope that I have my degree by then.  I started going back to school in hopes of gaining my Bachelor's in Environmental Science by the Winter of 2011.  Life happened, and that goal was pushed back to the Winter of 2012.   Life happened again, and now I have been forced to push the date back even further.  Granted, I could sacrifice other things so I could concentrate on school.  Getting my degree is very important to me as I am the first person in my family who has the means and the opportunity to do so.  However, in comparison to being Wife and Mom, gaining that degree is trivial to me when I think of the time I might be missing as my marriage grows, as my child grows.  If it comes down to it, the degree can wait.  I have never been career driven.  I do not understand it, and do not want it (which is probably why I will never get into a really "good" job, because I also am very blunt about the fact that my family will ALWAYS come first, even at the expense of job responsibilities.)

Fifth, I get to share with you the "when I grow up" blurb.  Regarding that degree, the one I want, but not THAT bad.  I do hope to someday work for the National Park Service or the Forestry Division.  I wish that might happen within the next five years, but as with the degree, so long as I feel like DH or the Kiddo need me home (or close to home) more, I will simply not take on that kind of job.  However, if I were able, I hope to be able to teach in a park setting.  I want to teach about creation, about the perfect balance in nature and how we can help protect, support, and preserve that balance.  I hope that I will have the opportunity to prove that God's hand is in every aspect of this world, and how nature proves it.

 

Sixth, in five years time, I hope to be an established author.  I love, love, love to write.  However, I also put that aside in regards to my family.  (Do NOT misunderstand... I do NOT regret putting myself last- that is simply part of who I am.)  Recently, I started writing a Bible Study for women associated with our Armed Forces.  Currently, its in limbo as we are moving, deciding, planning, and settling, and as my study materials are all in a crate somewhere until we move into a house.  However, I believe the Lord wishes me to write it, and it excites me to think He may open the doors to get it published.  Then there is my personal writing.  I am co-writing with an incredible author, plus I am writing a novel of my own.  I would be so thrilled and honored to see both of the books in print. 

Finally, in five years time, I hope that DH and I will have been able to instill in our Kiddo the love we have for our God, for our planet, and for our country.  I hope that, since he will be at that tender teenage year, we will have instilled in him the ability to think for himself, but also the ability to stand up for what is right, and the ability to stand firm in the midst of the "everyone else is doing it" mentality.  I hope in five years, that DH and I will have become more than parents to the Kiddo, that we will have become his mentors, his confidantes, and his closest friends.  I often tell the Kiddo now that I am not his friend, I am his Mommy.  However, in the world we live in, I truly do hope when he is surrounded by the teenage struggles that he can feel comfortable and confident in coming to us for help, advice, and an ear or shoulder.

I could speculate all day long about what my life might look like five years from now.  However, one thing I have learned, from even before being a part of the Military community, is that when I plan, God laughs.  Seriously.  He does!  None of my own plans have ever come to fruition in the ways I had hoped.  Every single time, I have been sent in a different, sometimes opposite direction.  Sometimes, those things I had planned for come about in a different way, at a different point in my life than I expected; sometimes I look back and see those plans were shot down permanently and replaced with His will that, in retrospect, was so much better than what I had planned for and hoped for.  (Duh!  Isn't that always the way?)  So, I will find this particular post interesting to read five years from now to see how my hopes have panned out, how my confident predictions have come through or not. 

Till then...  :)   God bless! 

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: 10 Things I Live For

I discovered this inspiration from one of my followers (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder).  I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read.  So...  I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

This week's topic is "10 Things I Live For."  ((or in my case: SEVEN things... hehe))

You would think that as a Wife, Mom, Independant Contractor, etc that I could come up with very easily those ten things.  Not so.  Off the top of my head, yes, I can come up with a couple of things that really drive me, things that really motivate me.  However, as I am writing this, I am still struggling to think of all ten. 

((FYI- these are not necessarily in order of importance.))

1.  Being a good Christian

 

I know, I know.  Some of you, my dear friends, do not believe as I do.  Some of you are not Christian.  Some of you are of other faiths, or are agnostic, or even atheist.  However, no matter what you fall under in the realm of religion or no religion, whether you realize it or not, you are living a life of faith, which some how drives you, your words, and your actions.  My faith has a name, has a God, has a manual, and has offered me a look at the Divine.  Having said that, I do live to be a better person.  I really do try to remember that His will for me, His convicting of me, His directing of me is not going to be the same for everyone around me.  I try to remember that He works in His time, and works within the constructs He made for us- our ability to choose for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.   Some people use society as their plumb line- I choose to use the example of Christ and the direction of the Holy Spirit and Bible.  I have a LONG way to go in my efforts to be more Christ-like, but I do try- sometimes minute-by-minute.

2.  Being a Proverbs 31 Wife

I know DH brags on me quite a bit to his friends.   I am honored that he is proud of me and the way I keep the house, or the way I take care of him and the Kiddo.  However, I know my own short-comings, and as a wife, I know I can use a lot of improvement.  I strive to improve myself in all those areas that will most benefit my marriage and my family.  I have been ridiculed by some well-meaning friends that I need to focus more on myself, that I need to make sure I take time for myself, etc.   I disagree whole-heartedly.  While I do not see anything wrong with women who do that, for me-Hubby comes first.  I married with the intention of being supportive at the expense of my own dreams and goals.  I married with the intention of being a good steward of the income DH brings home, of the home we live in, of the material possessions we own.  Still, the best of intentions fall short as I still often linger over unfulfilled dreams, as I sink into thoughts of sacrifices made.  I am, after all, human.  Only recently, the Lord has afforded me doors and windows that allow me the opportunity to see some of those dreams I thought were long-gone actually start to come true.   This unexpected blessing motivates me to work even harder at being a wife that supports DH, that helps him, encourages him, and reflects God's Will in our marriage.

3.  Being a Better Mommy

Being a "good mom" means different things to different people.  I learned early on as a Mom that I cannot compare my parenting to another Mom.  I choose to discipline using a variety of methods- spanking among them, while many of my friends frankly think my use of spanking is barbaric and cruel.  I choose to educate my son at every opportunity.  I was ridiculed for giving my son flash cards to teach him how to read and spell for his 2nd birthday.   I have been ridiculed for not letting him play in the street, for not letting him wander off on his own, for allowing him to have his own computer, for giving him too many chores, not enough chores, and on and on.  However, I have learned this: while I am not a perfect mom, and never will be, so long as my son knows how much I love him, and that everything I do is because of that love, I believe I am still the best Mommy for him.  Regardless, I also know that as he grows, tried and true methods will fail and I will need to invent new creative ways to keep his attention, to earn his trust, and to teach him respect (for himself, myself, and others.)  So I daily strive to be a better Mom today than I was yesterday.

4.  To learn

I really am a student of life.  I love to learn.  However, I have discovered over the past few years that I am going to have to relearn quite a bit that I had previously known.  (I have an atrocious memory, and it just gets worse and worse.)  My favorite subjects are Theology, Environmental Science, Biology, and Cultural Studies.  Theology, I guess, is an obvious one.  However, I do not just enjoy learning about my own Faith, I am also very interested in learning about other Faiths.  (Note- I do not call them religions.  I do not care about religion.  I DO care about what people BELIEVE and why.  The reason for that is a topic for another post.)  Environmental Science and Biology interests stem from my beliefs, which branch off into my personal belief that this world is a stewardship, and we are responsible to take care of it for the sake of our children's children, and because, as I have said over and over before, there is nothing in Creation that does not reflect Divine intention.  Then there is my interest in Cultural Studies.  This really comes from my family history.  Because of my ties to Poland and Germany, and because of suspected ties to a Jewish heritage, I am fascinated with my own family cultural heritage, and that has created in me a deep fascination with other cultures as well. 

5.  To conquer

While my medical issues are nowhere near as severe as others, and they certainly are not life-threatening, I struggle on a daily basis to keep the medical issues from being a problem in my life.  I daily strive to push down the feelings of frustration when pain limits my abilities.  I daily strive to conquer feelings of helplessness and despair, which so easily lead me into depression, because I do not have the time for those feelings, AND those feelings affect my family.  Granted, the past four and half years have been much, much easier to deal with then the three before that (when we were in Hawaii), but the struggle is still a daily thing.  I am happy to say that for the most part, I have been successful in conquering each day.

6.  To let go

Love, life, relationships.  Being a MilSpouse, being a hermit, and being independent means that I often step on toes, hurt feelings, and cut myself off in the process.  I learned somewhere along the way that hanging on to my own hurt feelings only adds to bitterness, and bitterness is a very hard thing to get rid of and get over.  I have seen the damage bitterness does in marriages, in families, and in friendships.  As a result, I have taught myself to let it go. 

7.  I live...

I truly cannot think of much more that I live for beyond what I have already listed.  So for the final one I guess I have to say that I live- to live.  My life is not one full of regrets.  Yes, I have made many mistakes over the years.  Yes, I have seen my own ugly side, have seen horrible things come about as results of my words or actions.  Yes, there is much that I "could" regret.  However,  my life so far is the culmination of triumphs and mistakes.  All of the past is a testament to lessons learned.  So from this day forward, I live for all of the above so that my life is fuller and without regret.

Waking Up In New Mexico

We left San Angelo with intending to stop for two nights at Palo Duro Canyon State Park before heading up to my in-laws in Colorado.  We were going to have the Kiddo participate in the Junior Ranger Program so he could learn about the park, the canyon, the wildlife, and local history.  Then we were going to catch the musical drama "Texas," which is put on during the summer at the state park.  That is what we were GOING to do...

Monday morning, we woke up early and prepared the camper and vehicles for the trip to Colorado.  We got everything packed in record time.  As I was walking out of the camper to get the car started, DH asked me if we should turn off the propane bottles.  Typically, we keep the propane running because it keeps the refrigerator cool while traveling.  Typically, I HATE the thought of driving with the propane running, but in the past have not made DH turn it off.  This time, my preference to turn it off really nagged at me very, very hard- not so much a gut feeling, but it was definitely so strong I could not avoid it.   So, I insisted he turn it off, reasoning that the day was much cooler than we expected, and was supposed to get cooler the further north we drove.  DH did not argue about the food in the fridge going bad and the money wasted- he simply did as I suggested, and we went about the business of getting on the road.

All was going well.  We left San Angelo behind.  We kept the speed low (60-65mph) because I was pulling the boat with my Sportage (I might add, my little SUV is handling the towing really quite well.  The mileage dropped from 24mpg to 18mpg, but it handles the towing really quite well!), and I did not want to push it.  We got through Big Spring, and found ourselves about a third of the way to Lamesa.  DH called me from the truck asking if we could try 70mph, if my car could handle it.  I did not think it would be a problem so I happily increased my speed.  

Maybe ten minutes later, I looked in my rear-view mirror, saw DH and then I went around a curve.  As I cleared the curve, DH called me again- he thought a tire blew on the camper.  With a deep sigh, I found a place I could turn around and went back.  Sure enough, as I pulled up behind him, one of the tires on the right side blew.  NOT good!

 

We slowly towed the camper around the curve and into an abandoned gas-station parking lot, where we waited for AAA Texas to send someone to help us.  (Now, I love AAA.  We have used AAA for insurance and road-side assistance for over eight years now and have never had a complaint.  However, the towing service they sent to us refused us service because the tire needed to be removed, taken to a local tire place, then brought back to the camper to be put on.  Apparently, for that towing service that was simply too much to ask.)  Thankfully, after an hour, we found a tire place, Lamesa Tire, that carried the right tire AND had a mobile tire team that came out, took off the tire, took it back to the shop, put on a new tire, and came back to replace it.  All for a $20 service fee!  (Not including new tire, mount, etc)  At that point, at the suggestion of my father-in-law, we decided to replace the other three tires as well. 

During the four hours we spent in Lamesa, Texas, we realized that we had some guardian angels surrounding us.  You see, when the tire blew, it ripped off the tire cover, it tore a rip right up into the siding two panels up, and it ripped right through the propane line.  Yeah, the propane that we typically keep running.  Of course, we cannot know that ripping through the line would have done anything more than allow propane to leak out like crazy.  Regardless, there would have been the potential for something explosive and maybe life-threatening had it been running.  As we realized this over lunch while we waited for the other tires to be replaced, we lifted up our very grateful prayers.

Needless to say, after that adventure, we were too tired to go much further than Lubbock.  There we stayed at a really nice RV Park(Lubbock RV Park), and left bright and early to commence our journey.   We drove past Canyon, where we would have turned off for Palo Duro Canyon.   We drove through Amarillo.  We slowly mosied our way up Highway 87 and ended up here in Raton, New Mexico.  

Here, we are surrounded by beautiful mountains.  The air is brisk and fresh scented.  We were able to open all the windows right when we arrived, and this morning woke up to a refreshing 58 degrees, the sun shining, and the realization that we are no longer in Texas.

 

 

Today, we will be leaving New Mexico as well.  We will make our way into Colorado, spend some time with family, and then proceed to our new home.  Today, we look back on our journey so far, with the unexpected milestones, the changes in plans, and the obvious leading and protection from our loving God. 

((I want to expend a special thank you to my very dear friends and family in San Angelo, Florida, Virginia, Maryland, Texas, and elsewhere that have sent me words of encouragement and lifted my family up in prayer as we make this journey.  You are counted among my guardian angels!  I love you guys!)

Verbal Vomit

"S!#%," I yelled as I hopped around on one foot after kicking the table leg

with my big toe.  Meanwhile, from the Kiddo's room, I hear him yell out,"Word!"

 

Several days later, driving home from the store, I was cut off by a gentleman who could not decide if he wanted onto the highway or not.  At the last minute, he veered across the white hashed lines in front of me. 

 

"You have got to be frickin' kidding me!"  I yelled at him through my front

window as I was forced to slam on my brakes.  From the back seat,

I heard the Kiddo say,"Word," but did not really pay any attention. 

I continued to rant and rave about "idiot drivers," and how "stupid people"

should not be allowed to drive.  From the back,

I was interrupted as the Kiddo said much more loudly,"Word!  That's two!"

 
Suddenly, his single word admonishment hit me.  After talking to him to verify my suspicions that he was, in fact, chastising me, my son made me aware of my increasing use of mean words and bad language over the past several months.  He is really bothered by it.
 
So today, when I used another bad word ("sucks" to be exact) and he called me on it, I asked him how I could have said that differently.

He came up with a whole slew of phrases that I could have used that convey the same message... Figures- I was hoping to catch him off guard.

Today, I asked him why using this slang, and (I agree) ugly language, bothered him so much.

His answer,"Using bad language is just laziness."

Big -no, huge- stinging slap in my face, as I too believe that the excessive use of swear words, of ugly language, and slang is just laziness, and reflects poorly on the person using that language.  Granted, I have friends who see nothing wrong with profanity, and I have discussed this difference in opinion in great depth with some of them, and we have agreed to disagree. I also have to say this: swear words do not "offend" me.  Frankly, I really do think the use of vulgarity is a sign of contempt for other people, lack of respect for other people, a sign of being uneducated (though I KNOW this is not always the case). Whatever, I cannot control how other people choose to speak, and I do not wish to - except in regards to my son, of course.   ((I cannot say it enough that MY convictions are not intended to be YOUR convictions.  That is not how God works in our lives.))

For me, however, I truly am convicted- AGAIN!  

Wow!  The Lord really is working on me and showing me so many errors in my life and my habits.  I realized after talking to the Kiddo that my life has been so crazy the past few months, that I have allowed myself to get caught up in all the things that do not matter, and I have allowed myself to get lazy in areas that DO matter in an effort to "fix" all those things that do not.  That does not excuse my poor taste in language.  No way...

And so, I am going to be working on my language---every time I say an ugly word, every time I share some verbal-vomit, I have asked my Kiddo to continue to hold me accountable.

No doubt, he will.  :)   I just hope a LOT less!