52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: I Said I Would Never

In continuing on this 52 week journey with so many other bloggers, I hope you will visit the blog that started it all. From From Mrs. to Mama is a really fantastic site kept by an incredibly articulate young woman.

I said I would never....

I know many of us can relate. Before we are parents, we swear we will be different from our parents, we will be better than this or that, we will be more strict, less strict, more easy going, the lists go on and on.

For me, some of the things I said I would never do I do actually try to stick to. My life is a series of contradictions. I am painfully aware of that. However, for better or worse, this is my life.

One thing I said I would never do is force my child to eat something he does not like. However, he MUST first try a food before he can choose whether he likes it or not. He cannot just look at a new food or recipe and decide from its appearance that he does not like it. No. He must try at least three bites of the new food. Then, if he decides he truly does not like it, I will allow him to eat around it. This rule has kept him eating veggies, has allowed him to try new foods that I see other children turn their noses up at, and has carried over into life lessons- new activities, new people, new places, etc.

I said I would never force my child to believe the same as me. This is a HUGE issue and struggle for me. As a Christian, I want my son to become a Christian as well. However, most of my childhood I was forced into a belief set that both helped and hindered my spiritual growth, and ultimately caused huge rifts within my family. This is a struggle for me also because as a Christian, I believe it is my duty to minister to my child, to teach him of God's love, grace, and mercy, to help him understand what sin it and how salvation affects us. The struggle is knowing where the line is drawn between teaching and coercing. My child KNOWS how I long for him to become a Christian. He knows how important that is to me. He also knows I will not force him and I will not stop loving him should he choose to (deep sigh) believe otherwise.((Wow, that is so hard to write... wow...))

I said I would never have children... Well... Obviously, I messed that one up! LOL Seriously, I never wanted my own children. From teen years on, I wanted to adopt. There are so many children out there in need of loving homes- from all over the world- but the Lord chose to surprise me and bless me with my Kiddo, my angel... I happily eat those words. :)

I said I would never lie to my child. It is relatively easy to be honest with friends and family as an adult. If you feel you can't be completely honest about something (to spare feelings), you simply walk away, change the subject, whatever. (Don't get all self-righteous on me claiming you ALWAYS tell the truth. You KNOW you have that one friend or family member, where you keep your true feelings hidden to spare their feelings.) However, when it comes to being honest to my child, as a parent I have found honesty is sometimes very hard. There are some questions I just cannot answer. I try to say exactly that, but sometimes there are situations where even a delaying answer is a form of a lie, a form of evasion. I hate to admit that I have lied to my child. I have a million and one justifications for those lies of ommission, white lies, or lies of evasion. Still- no matter how I slice it- I feel like a horrible mom.

I said I would never be like my Mom! HA! Don't get me wrong, my Mom is who I give much credit as to the woman I am today. However, like we all can, I can look over my childhood and point out all the things- large and small- that my Mom did wrong. So when I said I would never be like my Mom, I meant I would not make those same mistakes. I was right. To a point. However, I make my own mistakes that I have no idea how to fix, and I am certain my Kiddo will look back on his childhood and say he will never be like me or DH. Then one day, like I am doing more and more often now as my Kiddo gets older, he will find himself saying something I would have said, or doing something the way his Daddy would have done it. Then, like I am realizing, he will realize that being like Mom and Dad is not so bad really.

I am sure there are other things I have said I would never do... That I have found myself doing anyway. Or maybe I have stuck to it, and have just realized how incredibly hard it is to stick to those things. One thing I am learning, no matter what I said in the past, its okay to be wrong, to admit it, and to change my mind. Life is too unpredictable, too chaotic sometimes. If I cannot change along the way, how will I ever be able to teach my Kiddo to roll with the punches?

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

52 Weeks Of Blogging With A Purpose: A Letter to the New Mom

I discovered this inspiration from a fellow blogger (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder). I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read. So... I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

"Dear New Mommy,

Congratulations on your beautiful bundle of wrinkled skin and ear-piercing cries!  Don't worry, Mama.  All too soon that wrinkled skin will smooth out, and those cries will turn into sweet coos and giggles.  Savor the feel of those tiny fingers as they wrap around your one.  Cherish the feel of your baby's skin against your own.  Whether or not you breast-feed or choose to use formula, those moments where you cuddle with your baby while they suckle will disappear all to quickly.  Don't worry about the chores that don't get done.  Don't worry about the friends whose calls go unanswered.  It is okay to let the world vanish as you spend your first weeks and months getting to know your baby.

As you work your way into the world and introduce your baby to your friends, your family, the errands that consumed your life before, take it slow.  Speak to your baby.  Sing to your baby.  Read to your baby.  But when you need a few minutes to yourself, do not be afraid to leave your baby safely in their crib, even if they are wailing the blues.  Take the time to shave your legs.  Make the time to fix your hair.  Those twenty minutes of time to yourself will help you feel better about your new body, even as you work to shape it back to what it once was.

Take every offer of advice, including that in this letter, with a grain of salt.  Do your own research.  Try your own methods.  Some of the advice given will work like a charm.  Some of it can be dismissed out of hand, because no one knows the dynamic between you and your baby like you do.  Follow your instincts where your baby is concerned, and pay no mind to those other Mommies who think their way is the only way.

Remember that now that you are a Mommy, some friends will disappear.  That is okay.  New friends will come along, not to take those old friend's places, but to fill in the needs you have now.  Remember that your priorities are likely to change, and that is okay as well.  There is no rule book to follow.   You choose.

Don't be afraid of being imperfect.  Your mom was not perfect.  Her mom was not perfect.  No mom in the history of mankind was perfect.  Do not hold yourself to expectations that will ultimately frustrate you and cause you to focus on that more than on the care and upbringing of your baby.

Finally, dear Mommy, if you are a woman of Faith, make every moment a reflection of your faith in God.  Let your baby feel your love, compassion, faith, hope, trust, and respect for a being outside yourself.  Let them see you pray.  Let them hear you praise.  Let them see you reading the Bible.  Let them sit on your lap in church.  Let them know without a doubt that our Lord is real and with us in every moment.

Congratulations again, dear Mommy!  God bless you and your newest, tangible blessing!"

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: Goals For Motherhood

I discovered this inspiration from a fellow blogger (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder). I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read. So... I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

This week's topic: Goals for Motherhood

Um... Okay... Where to start. Like most Moms, I imagine my goals are set with the best of intentions. Like many Moms, I have seen myself fall short of my goals. I have realized some goals are impossible to achieve as I am imperfect. I have realized some goals are impractical and need to be changed as my child grows and changes.

My first goal is to be an incredible wife to my child's father. It is important to me that my son see what true love, devotion, commitment, respect, and trust are. These are things he should see and experience at home before he seeks it out in the world. By striving to be an incredible, note- I did not say perfect, wife to my DH, I hope I will also show my son the qualities he should look for someday when he starts looking at young ladies to date and marry. I hope he is able to see past our imperfections and see the love we have for each other as the years go by.

My second goal is to remember that my son is not a number. Just because he is a certain age does not mean I cannot expect more from him, or allow him to act immaturely sometimes. Just because he is going into a certain grade in school does not mean he is not ready for education well beyond that age-classing, or responsibilities typically reserved for much older children. He has already proven he is wise beyond his years, but with the heart and playfulness sometimes of a toddler. I hope to remember to react to his personality as a whole and not based on how old he is.

My third goal is to give my son the tools he needs to learn how to fly. Of course, every Mom wants to see their children succeed. However, I see more and more Moms throw everything they have at their children to force their success- whether its in school projects, sports, beauty pageants, dances, etc. I think that is all great and good, but I think for my son, the best way to allow him to grow and enjoy success is to give him the tools he needs, teach him how to use them, and step back and watch him go. I want him to work for what he wants. I want him to understand that a free-ride is never free- if he isn't paying for it, someone else IS. I don't want him to accept pity, charity, and handouts. I want him to take pride in his work- whatever that work may be. I want him to learn work ethics that build up rather than tear down. I honestly beleive I will get more enjoyment from watching him fly on his own than if I have to carry him the entire way. However, on the flip side, I hope I also give him the ability to handle failure when he fails at something, and the courage to get up and try again.

My fourth goal is to make time with my son a priority. Working from home has proven that I work harder to make less money (at least for now as I am building my own business) in order to be at home with my son. I do not mind, but I tend to find myself caught up in work to the detriment of quality time with the Kiddo. I see this as a problem especially now while school is still out, and I struggle to balance my time so my clients remain satisfied with my time tables, and my son does not feel neglected. For now, I am using my time working from home to teach him, to guide him, and to share my work with him. Doing this has opened doors in his mind to new interests as he explored "imitating Mama."

My final goal, and the most important, is to lead a Godly example for him to follow. DH and I are both Christians, and we both make every attempt to include the Kiddo in discussions about the Bible, about God, about Jesus, and everything our faith means to us. Our hope is not just that our son also becomes a Christian, but that he realizes the miracle of salvation and grace, and that in the deepest and darkest days of his life, he will be able to feel our Lord's embrace.

There a myriad other goals I strive for as a Mother. Too many too list, so many I cannot even remember them all. One thing I know- my goals for motherhood will probably vary from other Moms. The order of importance I place on my goals will differ from those another Mom makes.

That is okay. Being a Mom is not a competition. The minute it becomes one- we are doing something very wrong.

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************