52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: I Said I Would Never

In continuing on this 52 week journey with so many other bloggers, I hope you will visit the blog that started it all. From From Mrs. to Mama is a really fantastic site kept by an incredibly articulate young woman.

I said I would never....

I know many of us can relate. Before we are parents, we swear we will be different from our parents, we will be better than this or that, we will be more strict, less strict, more easy going, the lists go on and on.

For me, some of the things I said I would never do I do actually try to stick to. My life is a series of contradictions. I am painfully aware of that. However, for better or worse, this is my life.

One thing I said I would never do is force my child to eat something he does not like. However, he MUST first try a food before he can choose whether he likes it or not. He cannot just look at a new food or recipe and decide from its appearance that he does not like it. No. He must try at least three bites of the new food. Then, if he decides he truly does not like it, I will allow him to eat around it. This rule has kept him eating veggies, has allowed him to try new foods that I see other children turn their noses up at, and has carried over into life lessons- new activities, new people, new places, etc.

I said I would never force my child to believe the same as me. This is a HUGE issue and struggle for me. As a Christian, I want my son to become a Christian as well. However, most of my childhood I was forced into a belief set that both helped and hindered my spiritual growth, and ultimately caused huge rifts within my family. This is a struggle for me also because as a Christian, I believe it is my duty to minister to my child, to teach him of God's love, grace, and mercy, to help him understand what sin it and how salvation affects us. The struggle is knowing where the line is drawn between teaching and coercing. My child KNOWS how I long for him to become a Christian. He knows how important that is to me. He also knows I will not force him and I will not stop loving him should he choose to (deep sigh) believe otherwise.((Wow, that is so hard to write... wow...))

I said I would never have children... Well... Obviously, I messed that one up! LOL Seriously, I never wanted my own children. From teen years on, I wanted to adopt. There are so many children out there in need of loving homes- from all over the world- but the Lord chose to surprise me and bless me with my Kiddo, my angel... I happily eat those words. :)

I said I would never lie to my child. It is relatively easy to be honest with friends and family as an adult. If you feel you can't be completely honest about something (to spare feelings), you simply walk away, change the subject, whatever. (Don't get all self-righteous on me claiming you ALWAYS tell the truth. You KNOW you have that one friend or family member, where you keep your true feelings hidden to spare their feelings.) However, when it comes to being honest to my child, as a parent I have found honesty is sometimes very hard. There are some questions I just cannot answer. I try to say exactly that, but sometimes there are situations where even a delaying answer is a form of a lie, a form of evasion. I hate to admit that I have lied to my child. I have a million and one justifications for those lies of ommission, white lies, or lies of evasion. Still- no matter how I slice it- I feel like a horrible mom.

I said I would never be like my Mom! HA! Don't get me wrong, my Mom is who I give much credit as to the woman I am today. However, like we all can, I can look over my childhood and point out all the things- large and small- that my Mom did wrong. So when I said I would never be like my Mom, I meant I would not make those same mistakes. I was right. To a point. However, I make my own mistakes that I have no idea how to fix, and I am certain my Kiddo will look back on his childhood and say he will never be like me or DH. Then one day, like I am doing more and more often now as my Kiddo gets older, he will find himself saying something I would have said, or doing something the way his Daddy would have done it. Then, like I am realizing, he will realize that being like Mom and Dad is not so bad really.

I am sure there are other things I have said I would never do... That I have found myself doing anyway. Or maybe I have stuck to it, and have just realized how incredibly hard it is to stick to those things. One thing I am learning, no matter what I said in the past, its okay to be wrong, to admit it, and to change my mind. Life is too unpredictable, too chaotic sometimes. If I cannot change along the way, how will I ever be able to teach my Kiddo to roll with the punches?

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Random Reflection...

I know I have already shared how excited I am that we found a church where the Pastor speaks God's Word in a way that lovingly compels us to face the truth about our faith, our actions, our sins, and the love of Christ, which is reflective of the love of God.

I know... I might be getting repetitive...

So rather than go into a lengthy discussion over this week's sermon, which spoke of the witnesses of Jesus' claims as the Son of God, I thought I would share just one of the points that Pastor made that caused me to look inward and question my priorities within my faith.  Very loosely, I have paraphrased that point in the picture below...   It may not make much sense to you out of context...  However, I hope it still causes you to think about your own faith, the tools we have been given to help our faith grow, and the source of our faith- Jesus.

Thanks for coming by and reading my random reflection on today's sermon.  If you would like to read the entire sermon, I believe it will be posted here in a couple days. 

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If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

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When Everything Seems To Go Wrong

As many of you know, I am a MilSpouse. I love my life as MilSpouse. I love being affiliated with the Armed Forces. I love my Veteran status- not for any recognition it might bring me, but because that was the very first job I had where I truly felt proud of what I was doing. I love supporting DH. I love the places the Military has sent us. I love PCSing. I love seeing new places, learning new things, meeting new people, and then moving on again.

Yeah, the moving, for me, is the best part of the Military life we live.

We have been so very blessed with all our previous Military moves in that we have never had any issues.

I have heard so many horror stories. Packers that didn't show. TMO that failed miserably in scheduling. Being FORCED to do a DITY move. Damaged goods. Missing goods. Stolen goods. Kids revolting about a move. No available housing at the new base. No jobs at new base. Cars and trucks breaking down. Luggage lost. Pets lost. Homes don't rent or don't sell.   Etc.  Etc.   If you are a seasoned MilSpouse, you might have a tale or two to share as well.

With our previous moves, we had NONE of those problems. Our packers showed up on time, packed our stuff like they were packing museum pieces, and it all got where it was intended to go with minimal (if any) damage. We never had a problem finding housing- rental or purchase. We did not have issues with the Kiddo. We never had vehicle trouble, flight trouble, luggage, or pet trouble.

 

Then we got orders to PCS this year...

                                                      ...and it has ALL seemed to go so wrong.

 

For every step we take forward, it feels like we are taking five steps back. We had two yard sales before moving. Both of them drew in way more money than we expected to make because we had heard horror stories of haggling yardsalers who tried to rob people blind.  However, in a thriving selling market, our house sat on the market for entirely too long before finally getting an acceptable offer and a subsequent contract. On one hand, we moved out of the old house and into our "in limbo" home (our camper) without a hitch. On the other, within a week of moving in, and during the worst heat at the time for that area, the camper a/c went out.  DH out-processed from his old unit with zero hiccups and we got on the road for our new destination eager and with no problems.  But then a couple hours out, a tire blew forcing us to dish out money we had not expected to and completely altered our travel plans while severely damaging the side of our camper. On one hand, we arrived safe and sound to a beautiful new area where the temperatures might hit the mid-90's and the mountains call us from the near horizon. On the other hand, the camper experienced more issues that require immediate repair, and the place we are camping has only the barest of amenities while charging more and barely taking care of what few amenities there are.

You see- on one hand- this really has been the most difficult move we have made with the Military. One thing after another seems to go wrong, those things listed above are just a small sampling. There is SOOOO much more.  Still, on the other hand, DH and I see these struggles as His hand leading us to Him, forcing us to focus our eyes on Him. Of course, we are still struggling with frustration and worry. I bet that is why He is mixing the pot so well!  

Our prayer... a reminder to ourselves really is this:

"He turned His ear to [our cries throughout all our previous struggles, so we] will call on Him as long as [we] live."

Have you also found yourself in the midst of a struggle, where you felt His hand distinctly in the mix?

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If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

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Silver Linings

Yesterday, I posted about the effects of Sequestration. Its a real thing. Its hurting the military ranks. It is also being used as a cop-out, and I am dealing with that aspect of it this week. I am angry- no furious- and frustrated. However, after ranting as much as I am able, and knowing that my ranting will get me nothing more than a headache, while giving everyone around me the impression that I am a hot-head - of course, how would they know anything different, when the first time they deal with me is over their own incompetence? SIGH

 

And there I go again. I am still HOT about the situation, the "reasons," the excuses. Completely let down. Once again, having the military slam it in my face that my family does not matter is a hard pill to swallow. Granted, a bunch of incredible spouses have commiserated, have jumped up and gotten answers for me, and have offered a helping hand. For them I am INCREDIBLY thankful. Yet, no amount of kindness from spouses who can nothing more than exactly that can erase the neglect and disdain from the people who are supposed to also be caring for the families- the leadership.

 

And again... I am completely forgetting WHY I sat down to write this post this morning. Obviously, I need to step back. In prayer this morning, I am trying to let it go. I am trying to turn my gaze away from the frustration. As I laid in bed, with the sunrise streaming through the window, and the cool breeze touching my face, and the birdsong filtering through, I realized I NEED to again call on my practice to count my blessings. There are so VERY many of them.

  

I firmly believe the way my day turns out starts first thing in the morning when I CHOOSE- yes, you read that right- when I CHOOSE to be positive or I CHOOSE to be negative. Yesterday, I allowed the ugly side of the day to get to me, and I chose to cling to that instead of choosing to say my piece and let it go. I CHOSE to get worked up about it. See, there is a difference between having feelings- like my hurt and frustration and anger- and allowing those feelings to control you. Yesterday, I let those feelings control me. And I feel guilt over my words. I threw an adult tantrum. No matter whether I was right or wrong, the way I went about sharing my concerns has likely taped a HUGE label on my forehead. So, today, I CHOOSE to force myself to step away. I CHOOSE to mentally slap myself out of it, and see those silver linings.

 

 First- we live in a place where we actually get rain. Granted, I think we happened to move here in time for the rainy season, but still. We have gotten more rain during the short time that we have lived here, than we have gotten in the past year in San Angelo. And the thunder and the lightening! I tell you what- WOW! I have always loved the raw power of a thunderstorm, and we have seen it several times now since moving here.

Of course, after every afternoon shower or storm, we are blessed with reminders of the silver lining. Reminders of a power that will care for us no matter how people let us down. I have seen this daily reminder of God's promise at least every other day since moving here. I don't think I even saw this many rainbows when we lived in Hawaii! Its incredible!

San Angelo sunsets will never be beat in my opinion. I have seen sunsets on the beaches of Florida. I have seen sunsets from the Appalachians. I have seen sunsets in Hawaii. Now, I have seen sunsets in the Rockies. Of course, each sunset is unique and beautiful. There is no denying that. And while these sunsets over the mountains still take my breath away, and cause my heart to flutter, I still think San Angelo sunsets with their brilliant shades of purples, pinks, and blues are my favorite. And yet, I am consistently drawn to watch the sun set over the mountains every evening.

Ah... The silver linings that actually keep me grounded. My guys. What would I do without them? Both of them had to listen to me rant and rave yesterday. On one side, DH completely agrees. We are definitely in agreement over the disappointment we feel over the situation. However, while I was raring to go jumping up and down on someone's desk, he had already taken a much more calmer stance. After all, and he is right, what will that do? Nothing. So, DH listened, offered his agreements and disagreements, and allowed me to vent, vent, vent. By the time I was done, frankly, I was a bit ashamed of myself, at which point, he knew to simply hug me and be supportive and let the matter drop. --- Now --- the Kiddo... He knows the best way to diffuse Mama Bear is to love on her. Hug her, kiss her, cuddle with her. Throw endless amounts of affection at this Mama and she melts right away. And who doesn't love that?

I know today is a brand new day. While it does not erase yesterday, the problems from yesterday seem much smaller today. Today is fresh, and bright, and new. I have the promise of a God who loves me, of a DH who stands by me, and a Kiddo who is tender and affectionate. I am in a new, beautiful place surrounded with proof of His Majesty and Power. I am in a new place with new people to meet and befriend and develop relationships with. Today is a great day to CHOOSE to be different than I was yesterday.

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To see more of those things that take my breath away, visit my photo page "Where We Live."

Regarding the Boston Tragedy

Copied from my Facebook page:

"In talking to the Kiddo about the tragic events from yesterday, I asked him to pray with me for the people in Boston. Before we could start, he asked me if God couldn't stop these kinds of things from happening.  

My response was this: Yes. God COULD stop all the horrible events in this world. However, we were created with free will. We were created to choose to do the right thing or the wrong thing. For every decision we make, we face the consequences, good and bad. Sometimes, people choose to be bad, to make bad decisions, and those decisions affect innocent people. God COULD stop that, but that would strip us of our free will. God COULD allow only good things to happen, but then we would not need Him, we would not value all He has given us, we would have no value for life, or love, or freedom. 

In stark contrast to the horrifying loss of life, and the damage inflicted on so many other lives, I have the choice to focus on the terror and fear of the event, or I can choose to focus on the way people have stepped up, the way prayers were asked for immediately, the way complete strangers jumped to help others, the way ordinary men and women ran to help. I choose to focus on the way the BEST of humanity responded to the tragic event, and I praise God for those people who CHOSE to respond with love, hope, and help."[edited]

Let us pray for the men, women, and children affected by yesterday's events.  Let us focus on the bravery of those who stepped up to help.  Let us focus on the help given, the love shown, the hope offered.

God bless!

 

 

 

Being Aware of Bullying

Disclaimer- the following account is VERY hard for me to share.  It's an admission of the very worst period of my life, the very lowest point of my Faith, when I felt most assured I was all alone and no one cared.  I hope and pray that my own admission helps someone face the truth of bullying and how harmful it really is.

As a 3rd grader moving to a new school in the middle of the year, I had no idea what to expect.  I quickly learned that acceptance by classmates was hard to come by, and in my case, if that acceptance didn't come, bullying soon took its place.

My memories of elementary school from the latter part of the 3rd grade to the end of the 6th grade, are sad, ugly, and full of regret.  I was the victim of bullying from a group of girls who at first had been friends.  I do not know why I was targeted, but I was not alone at the receiving end of the ugliness.  The fourth and fifth grades were the worst.  There was name calling, there was shoving, there was just a lot of ugliness.  Maybe it was because I did so well in school.  Maybe it was because I was "poor" and lived in a trailer ("trailer trash" being a common name they threw at me.)  Maybe because they could see the effects their ugliness had on me- I often had to leave the room or recess or PE to cry in the girls room.

I felt a lot of fear.  I felt a lot of anger.  I felt tons of frustration, helplessness, weakness, and confusion.  As a fifth grader, I started contemplating suicide.  Fifth grade!  I felt like no one cared.  Certainly, none of those girls cared.  My parents refused to get involved despite the fact I came home crying nearly every day.  I had a single teacher show me any kind of courtesy after she witnessed the one and only physical fight I got into with one of the girls, and she called my parents to come pick me up as I was too shaken to stay in school the rest of the day.  Other than that, the principle never addressed it, the teachers left it alone, and my friends ducked their heads and didn't speak of it, didn't help, just didn't do anything (maybe to keep off the group's radar.)

As a result of those YEARS of bullying, I entered Junior High with ZERO self-esteem.  I always walked against the wall.  If I was standing in a group of other "rejects," I chose to stand in such a way as to not have to make eye contact with anyone, and if I could with my back against the wall.  I loved school as far as learning went, and hated it because I disliked the way I felt about myself when I was around girls my own age.  I had few real friendships, none of which have lasted, even though I do stay in contact with some of the girls from Junior High who I respected, because they had not known me in elementary school, and so they were always kind, but distant.

By the time I entered Junior High, as other life changing events took place in my personal life, suicide became a daily thought.  I had several different plans, and ideal times to rid myself of the sad life I was living.  I then would get angry with myself for being too chicken to go through with it.  I would cry myself to sleep, hating myself, hating the past, and having no hope for the future.

To be honest, there were four things that kept me alive.

Psalms 46:1 "The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

I found the verse one night while I was desperately seeking His guidance during a time when He felt so distant and uncaring.  I clung to that verse like I was drowning... 

That verse opened my eyes to a second thought and a reason for living.  My sister.  I had to stay for my sister.  (The reasons are too complex to explain, but she would understand.)  Psalm 46:1 became my mantra. 

I still struggled with suicidal thoughts.  Those thoughts still drove me to tears and nightmares and depression.  But I would repeat it over and over and over like a never ending praying.  I had to live.

About that time, I met a dear friend from my Church Youth Group.  She was a little bit younger than me, but in my mind she was beautiful, smart, and we shared a lot of the same interests.  I grabbed onto that friendship with both hands and clung for dear life. 

Not long after becoming friends with her, I moved from public school to attend High School at a local Christian school.  There I made my second life-saving friendship with a gorgeous girl in my class whose personality was so bubbly and joyous I couldn't help but be drawn in by her.  Her friendship became another literal life line.

I still struggled to develop a self-esteem.  Kids at the new school could be harsh, but I was no longer the butt of the joke.  The kids who became friends with me also challenged me to believe in myself and to become a better person. 

From there, I also grew in my Faith.  I found true Hope and Peace, though it wasn't until many years later that I gained enough confidence in myself to be alone, and find that I was okay alone.  It wasn't until I became an adult that I discovered that I am a beautifully unique person and have value. 

The reason I share this very horrible scar with you is due to a video that was recently shared of bullying occurring in one of our local schools.  People are acting so shocked!  Like things like this didn't happen when they were kids.  Like things like this are not happening in EVERY school in EVERY corner of the world.  Bullying is a fact of life!

Do not pretend it doesn't happen.  Do not pretend your child could not be the bully or the victim.  Do not pretend that children who are the victims of bullying need to "suck it up."  Talk to your children.  Be aware of the class dynamics.  Make sure your child knows you care about the part they play when they witness bullying.  Make sure your child knows you care about them.  Make sure they know that they are not alone. 

One thing I know for a fact, most bullying behavior starts at home.  If you, as a parent, think you are better than someone else, your child will pick up on it, and WILL express that to their classmates.  If you, as a parent, speak ugly to your child or spouse or of someone else, your child WILL express that among his/her peers.  Our children are mirrors of what they see and hear at home.

So what will YOU do about bullying? 
How will YOU help prevent your child from becoming a bully? 
How will YOU help prevent your child from becoming a victim? 

This is NOT the school's responsibility... This lies flat at your feet Mom and Dad!  So what will you do?

I have included the video from the local school happening, as well as one of a young victim who has succeeded in handling bullying without lashing out.

Be aware- these are very hard to watch!  Especially the first one.