Traveling, Talking, and Toad Catching

Just a short post...

This Holiday Weekend, I am visiting with an old friend.  We have not seen each other in almost nine years before this weekend, and when we went our separate ways, we departed ways not on the best of terms.   Over time, we reopened the doors of communication, apologized to each other, and forgave each other.  As our lives changed, we have been led back to each other, and are finding ourselves picking up as though we had never been apart.  Not to get too deeply into that- let's suffice it to say that she and I are both very different women now, and the Lord has clearly been moving in both our lives in ways neither of us could have imagined.

Now... to the travels:  We drove from Denver to Grand Junction along I-70.  A new route to me, I could not help but wish DH was with me so I could have snapped a hundred pictures along the way.  The Kiddo was snapping away behind me, but I haven't seen them yet, so I am not sure how they turned out...  I hope to share a post of his pics later in the week.  :)  Anyway, Colorado is breathtakingly beautiful!  I was choked up numerous times viewing His handiwork and design.

And on to talks:  From the moment my friend got out of her car, I knew all my nerves and worries were for naught.  I forgot how easy it is to talk to her.  Conversations about life, military, family, friends, GOD, the changes in our lives, the ups and downs, and we found ourselves talking well into the night and reluctant to stop.  I am going back today to soak up more time before heading back home. 

AND then toad catching:  Ahhhhh... country living!  The Kiddo is having a blast playing with my friend's children.  They spent hours playing in some dirt piles, all of them coming in for dinner covered in dust and grit and grins stretching across their gorgeous faces!  (And the Kiddo was worried he would be bored... LOL)  After dinner, the Kiddo experienced after more fun as he and some of the others wandered around and caught toads.  (I hope I can snag a pic from my friend to share with y'all).  Big and small at least half a dozen toads ended up in a bucket for a while before they were let loose again.  The contentment and joy on my Kiddo's face pinched my heart--- I am so ready for country living...  So ready.  :)

So much for that short post... LOL  Forgive me.   I hope I can share more of the amazing weekend with you later this week. 

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Wonder Boy Turns Nine

Yesterday, the most amazing, walking example of God's love for me turned nine years old.  I am not sure where the time is going.  Every year, he seems to be growing faster.   His knowledge, gained from experience, observation, and books, just grows and grows.  His outlook on life, despite his gaining knowledge, remains exuberant, bright, and hopeful.   I look at this child and I see hope.  I see DH and I- only much better versions of ourselves.  (Except in the area of stubbornness- Kiddo is one hundred times more stubborn than either of us...  sigh)

In an effort to celebrate the wonder of our Kiddo, despite the craziness that is our life right now, we were still able to have a small party for him.

Lemon-flavored, Minecraft-inspired cake by Simply Scrumptious Cakery.  It was perfect, though much bigger than I expected it to be.  hehe

Kiddo got to spend some time the past couple of days with his "brother-from-another-mother"--- The two really could pass for brothers, and I know they will both miss each other a great deal.  I sure hope we can keep these two in contact despite the distance.  :)

Kiddo got some new (used) PS3 games from DH and I, as well as a Texas travel mug with all the things he loves most about Texas on it (to include the Alamo, and the Texas Seal.)   He also got some really thoughtful gifts from family and friends.

 

This birthday was nowhere near as planned out or extravagant as many of his previous birthdays.  However, the only thing he said he really wanted for his birthday was the opportunity to visit his favorite places around San Angelo before we move.  We intend to spend our last few days, even as we finish packing up and organizing the camper and settling details with our realtor, visiting those places.  San Angelo has really captured our Kiddo's heart- and I know because of that, San Angelo will always be a place he can call "home."

Personal Challenge: Facebook Diet

 

DH has been telling me for ages that Facebook is of the devil.  I have laughed him off, I have raised my eyebrows at him, and otherwise have simply ignored his sentiment.

However, in light of recent events, where I am on the verge of walking away from relationships because of their candor on Facebook that they are unwilling to have with me in person, over the phone, or even in text, I find myself questioning the validity of DH's statement.

Granted, on one side, I would be living in happy, if not ignorant, bliss never knowing that people I care about do not reciprocate.  I never would have caught "friends" in a lie were it not for Facebook. 

On the other side, I HAVE caught "friends" in lies- blatant, black and white, no denying them- and then suffered the pain from their obvious lack of concern over those lies, and I am simply tired of the drama.

Facebook has been an incredible avenue for me to stay connected, especially now that I go to school online and work from home.  Facebook has allowed me to network my son's push to earn his own money.  Facebook has allowed me to share my thoughts and opinions with both like-minded and diverse-minded friends and acquaintances scattered to the four corners of the earth.

Yet, I simply find it more annoying and more stressful than uplifting and enlightening.

So, my challenge to myself is to cut way back on Facebook.  During the next three months, as we transition from one home to another, I have the perfect opportunity to walk away from it. 

Let it sit.  Let it change from a lifeline as I have found it to be, to a mere avenue of contact.  

I am not going to delete my account- I have too many valuable relationships connected to the account.   I am going to delete a lot of information on the account.  I am going to take down the majority of pictures.   I am going to "clean it up" as much as I can.  I am deleting the FB app from my phone.  Finally, I am only going to allow myself to check my account for messages and comments once a week. 

Once we are settled at our new home, maybe the Facebook Diet will be changed.  Maybe not.  We shall see.  :)

In the meantime, I hope to focus more on blogging- making this more of my avenue to share.  That will also challenge me to choose more carefully the words I type, the thoughts I intend to convey, and hopefully will be much more healthy for myself and anyone who reads this.

As always, your prayers are appreciated.  Leaving a social media website that has been addicting for so many years is as hard as stopping biting nails (in my case)...  I will need the prayer support for sure! 

God bless!

Being Aware of Bullying

Disclaimer- the following account is VERY hard for me to share.  It's an admission of the very worst period of my life, the very lowest point of my Faith, when I felt most assured I was all alone and no one cared.  I hope and pray that my own admission helps someone face the truth of bullying and how harmful it really is.

As a 3rd grader moving to a new school in the middle of the year, I had no idea what to expect.  I quickly learned that acceptance by classmates was hard to come by, and in my case, if that acceptance didn't come, bullying soon took its place.

My memories of elementary school from the latter part of the 3rd grade to the end of the 6th grade, are sad, ugly, and full of regret.  I was the victim of bullying from a group of girls who at first had been friends.  I do not know why I was targeted, but I was not alone at the receiving end of the ugliness.  The fourth and fifth grades were the worst.  There was name calling, there was shoving, there was just a lot of ugliness.  Maybe it was because I did so well in school.  Maybe it was because I was "poor" and lived in a trailer ("trailer trash" being a common name they threw at me.)  Maybe because they could see the effects their ugliness had on me- I often had to leave the room or recess or PE to cry in the girls room.

I felt a lot of fear.  I felt a lot of anger.  I felt tons of frustration, helplessness, weakness, and confusion.  As a fifth grader, I started contemplating suicide.  Fifth grade!  I felt like no one cared.  Certainly, none of those girls cared.  My parents refused to get involved despite the fact I came home crying nearly every day.  I had a single teacher show me any kind of courtesy after she witnessed the one and only physical fight I got into with one of the girls, and she called my parents to come pick me up as I was too shaken to stay in school the rest of the day.  Other than that, the principle never addressed it, the teachers left it alone, and my friends ducked their heads and didn't speak of it, didn't help, just didn't do anything (maybe to keep off the group's radar.)

As a result of those YEARS of bullying, I entered Junior High with ZERO self-esteem.  I always walked against the wall.  If I was standing in a group of other "rejects," I chose to stand in such a way as to not have to make eye contact with anyone, and if I could with my back against the wall.  I loved school as far as learning went, and hated it because I disliked the way I felt about myself when I was around girls my own age.  I had few real friendships, none of which have lasted, even though I do stay in contact with some of the girls from Junior High who I respected, because they had not known me in elementary school, and so they were always kind, but distant.

By the time I entered Junior High, as other life changing events took place in my personal life, suicide became a daily thought.  I had several different plans, and ideal times to rid myself of the sad life I was living.  I then would get angry with myself for being too chicken to go through with it.  I would cry myself to sleep, hating myself, hating the past, and having no hope for the future.

To be honest, there were four things that kept me alive.

Psalms 46:1 "The Lord is my refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

I found the verse one night while I was desperately seeking His guidance during a time when He felt so distant and uncaring.  I clung to that verse like I was drowning... 

That verse opened my eyes to a second thought and a reason for living.  My sister.  I had to stay for my sister.  (The reasons are too complex to explain, but she would understand.)  Psalm 46:1 became my mantra. 

I still struggled with suicidal thoughts.  Those thoughts still drove me to tears and nightmares and depression.  But I would repeat it over and over and over like a never ending praying.  I had to live.

About that time, I met a dear friend from my Church Youth Group.  She was a little bit younger than me, but in my mind she was beautiful, smart, and we shared a lot of the same interests.  I grabbed onto that friendship with both hands and clung for dear life. 

Not long after becoming friends with her, I moved from public school to attend High School at a local Christian school.  There I made my second life-saving friendship with a gorgeous girl in my class whose personality was so bubbly and joyous I couldn't help but be drawn in by her.  Her friendship became another literal life line.

I still struggled to develop a self-esteem.  Kids at the new school could be harsh, but I was no longer the butt of the joke.  The kids who became friends with me also challenged me to believe in myself and to become a better person. 

From there, I also grew in my Faith.  I found true Hope and Peace, though it wasn't until many years later that I gained enough confidence in myself to be alone, and find that I was okay alone.  It wasn't until I became an adult that I discovered that I am a beautifully unique person and have value. 

The reason I share this very horrible scar with you is due to a video that was recently shared of bullying occurring in one of our local schools.  People are acting so shocked!  Like things like this didn't happen when they were kids.  Like things like this are not happening in EVERY school in EVERY corner of the world.  Bullying is a fact of life!

Do not pretend it doesn't happen.  Do not pretend your child could not be the bully or the victim.  Do not pretend that children who are the victims of bullying need to "suck it up."  Talk to your children.  Be aware of the class dynamics.  Make sure your child knows you care about the part they play when they witness bullying.  Make sure your child knows you care about them.  Make sure they know that they are not alone. 

One thing I know for a fact, most bullying behavior starts at home.  If you, as a parent, think you are better than someone else, your child will pick up on it, and WILL express that to their classmates.  If you, as a parent, speak ugly to your child or spouse or of someone else, your child WILL express that among his/her peers.  Our children are mirrors of what they see and hear at home.

So what will YOU do about bullying? 
How will YOU help prevent your child from becoming a bully? 
How will YOU help prevent your child from becoming a victim? 

This is NOT the school's responsibility... This lies flat at your feet Mom and Dad!  So what will you do?

I have included the video from the local school happening, as well as one of a young victim who has succeeded in handling bullying without lashing out.

Be aware- these are very hard to watch!  Especially the first one.