Fear Not: The Reluctant Recruit

I never dreamt I would end up in the Military, let alone the Air Force.  When the Lord opened that door and shoved me through it, kicking and screaming I might add, I still thought at the back of my mind that after all those trips to the recruiter's office, the two trips to MEPS, and the final weigh-in before I went to MEPS to ship off to Basic that He would throw something into the mix letting me off the hook.

He did not.

I will never forget the night before I left for MEPS- my last night at the only home I had ever known.  I realized I would never return and find it the same.  I realized the step I was about to take was going to send me over a cliff, and I either had to learn real fast how to trust in Him, or I was going to drown for six years.  I slept very little that night.

Then the short night at MEPS where I was loaded onto a bus, taken to the airport, and flown to San Antonio.  The longest short night of my life.  I was so riddled with fear.  I knew I was not cut out for Military life.  I knew that I was going to fail.  I was not in shape, despite my skinny frame.  I could barely run up a flight of stairs without feeling like I would collapse from shortness of breath and weak muscles.  I knew I was not up to being yelled at.  After years of being yelled at, I had never gotten used to it, and it always reduced me to tears- to know that for six and a half weeks, someone was paid to yell at my every mistake had me quaking inside.

When we got off the plane in San Antonio and waited for the buses that were to take us to Lackland AFB, I remember sitting in a darkened hallway in the airport surrounded by other recuits.  Few of us spoke.  Whether or not they shared my fears and insecurities or were simply exhausted, I will never know.  I remember being too wound up and anxious, the fear a tight not in the pit of my stomach that threatened to reveal itself physically.  I swallowed hard every couple of minutes to keep down the bile. 

Suddenly, the TI send to fetch us stood at the end of the hallway.  All I could see was his silhouette.  A tall, stocky man with the recognizable TI hat.  As he yelled at us to gather our gear and prepare to follow him, my fear threatened to overwhelm me.  I looked at him and I looked behind me at the empty hallway stretching back to the airport.  I stared long and hard behind me.  How bad would it be to simply step out of line and return to the life I knew?  How severe would the consequences be really for walking away from my "signed contract."  I knew I didn't belong there.  Soon enough they would know too.  So why stay?  Why put myself through hell?

"Because," the still small voice spoke.  As the TI moved down the line taking roll, I battled with my God.

"Why?" I pleaded as I noticed the TI getting closer.  Somehow, I knew once he got my name and verified it on his list, there would be no escape.

"Trust me," the still small voice spoke again deep in my heart.

"It's too much, too hard... Oh, God!  WHY?"   Panic hit me hard as the TI was only a couple people away from me.

"FEAR NOT!" said the voice sternly in such a way I was sure the girl in line in front of me heard it too, though maybe she just turned to look at me as I caught my breath and fought the urge to throw up.

"Fear not," the voice said again more gently as the TI was suddenly standing in front of me.

"Fear not," the voice whispered as I stared at the ground and gave the TI my name and waited for him to find my name on his list.

"Fear not," the voice repeated to me over and over during the first week of Basic Training.  But that moment in the hallway, in the darkness, in the midst of my fear and anxiety, that still small voice somehow kept me rooted and helped me jump off that terrifying cliff into a whole new world, new life, new adventure- all things that changed my life in ways I never dreamed.

I look back now and realize His Hand at work.  I look at my Military family, the lessons I have learned, the people I have met, the friends who have become more like family, the DH who I met while serving, our resulting family, and most of all the closer relationship I have with my Lord (imperfect as it is), and I see a piece of the tapestry He has spun for me.

I will never forget that fearful period, or that terrifying moment in San Antonio.  It was life changing- it should not be forgotten.

****************

This post has been part of the Blogtember Challenge started by Jenni.

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

Book Review: Redeeming Love- 20th Anniversary Edition

Redeeming Love- 20^th Anniversary Edition is a Christian fiction novel written by esteemed author Francine Rivers.  This edition includes a group study at the end to delve deeper into the Biblical applications shared in the story.

The story begins with a young girl, a mere child, who is yearning for love and acceptance.  Seeing the world’s perspective of love in shocking realization and through the shocking circumstances, the young girl grows into a young woman who is hardened and bitter.  Understandably scarred, Angel has grown into a beautiful woman and has become a sought out prostitute.  When a Godly man discovers she is part of God’s will for his future, and sets about to not just marry her, but to teach her the truth of love, of God’s love, both of them find themselves caught in a whirlwind of emotions and struggles neither expected.

Paralleling the Biblical account of Gomer and Hosea, the story of Angel in Redeeming Love catches the reader from page one.  Just as Gomer continually left Hosea for the life she was more comfortable in, and just as Hosea continually and steadfastly loved her, this incredible story of love despite past sins, recurring sins, and other struggles clearly reflects the love God has for his children.  This book is a beautiful account of God’s redeeming grace, mercy, and love. 

As an avid reader, I am often wary of Christian fiction because it is often hokey and unrealistic.  However, Redeeming Love was brutally realistic and honest to its storyline and character development.  While in real life I cannot relate to Angel’s experiences, I can certainly relate to the struggles of her heart as she learns to love, to trust, and to view God as loving instead of damning.  Moved to tears from the very beginning, and moved to tears again as Angel grows through the book, I find that Redeeming Love will be a favorite among my books and worthy of reading repeatedly.  I recommend this novel for men and women alike.

Disclosure of Material: I received this book free from the publisher from Multnomah book review program.  I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed in this review are my own.  I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

Words of Wisdom



Words of wisdom...  Everybody has some these days, right?  We see snippets, quotes, blurbs, verses, lyrics, etc plastered on our Facebook walls, on Pinterest, and shared via Twitter.

 

What's the big deal?  Why do we cling to words of wisdom from others?  Why do we store away advice given sometimes, and completely dismiss it other times?  Where do we seek our advice?  Why do we seek advice from those people or sources?

 

Have you ever wondered? 

 

I am always seeking advice from others.  Partly due to my own insecurities, I seek advice regarding issues that I feel I do not know enough about to do well on my own.  This means I ask for advice A LOT!  Oh, yes...  (Though its typically via FB because I have developed a love-hate relationship with my phone... LOL)   Anyway, today's challenge for Blogtember is to share some advice or words of wisdom that I have been given that has actually been useful and that I still follow today.

 

When I think about all the advice I have been given over the years, both asked for and unasked for, I have a whole lot to choose from.  However, there was some advice, not given to me directly, but given by way of lyrics in a song.  I heard it for the first time in high school.  Back when my faith was an easy thing.  Reading the Bible was easy cause I had so little else that I was responsible for.  I had all the time in the world.  Being a "good" Christian was easy because I was too afraid of being "bad."  Still, as I was staring my future as an adult in the face, preparing to put my school days behind me, this song stuck out to me, became a mantra when peer pressure sought to overwhelm me, and carried me through when I could not seem to call my favorite Bible verses to mind. 

 

The song is called "Dare To Be Different" by a Christian group called DeGarmo and Key.  The entire song is beautifully written, but while I cannot remember the lyrics from the entire song, I can remember the chorus: 

 We dare to be different,  Dare to be called strange, Dare to be different, and the Cross you wear should mean you've truly changed.

I have lived that chorus.  I strive to keep living that chorus.  Just because I am a member of this world, does not mean I have to be caught up in the pressures of the world.  Striving to be different, to be Christlike, to be a better person, I think I have been more aware of glitches in mainstream thinking that others just accept.  I think striving to be different has helped me stay motivated in my faith.... cause when all else fails, that chorus starts playing in my mind, even though I have not heard to song in years... 

What words of wisdom or advice have you been given that you have kept in mind in your life?

 



****************

This post has been part of the Blogtember Challenge started by Jenni.

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: What Being A Mom Looks Like

In continuing on this 52 week journey with so many other bloggers, I hope you will visit the blog that started it all. From From Mrs. to Mama is a really fantastic site kept by an incredibly articulate young woman.

 

Instead of trying to put into words what can so easily be shown in pictures, I decided to share just a few...  I think they speak for themselves.  

 

 

 

 

He is one of the greatest blessings in my life... When all else seems like its falling apart, when I forget how much God loves me, all I have to do is look at this angel He brought into my life...  How privileged I am to be Mommy to this Kiddo. 

 

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

The Blessing of Philia Love

To those men and women in my life who prove that friendship is a matter of faith, trust, respect, honesty, and patience.  To those men and women scattered near and far who have made me a better person.  I treasure you.  I count you among my blessings more valuable than you can know.

The proof of true friendship has nothing to do with what you did or didn't do, what you did or didn't say, what you were able to give me or share with me.  Proof of true friendship is seen in these verses:

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  ~1 Corinthians 13 v 4-7

Having failed so many friends, as I lost my patience, as I became too proud, as I was easily angered, and as some friends have failed me in all those areas as well, the very last two words are a beacon of hope...  [love, friendship] "always perseveres."

This weekend, our Lord has blessed me with proof of true friendship, proof of lasting philia love.  

How great is our God! 

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

Random Reflection...

I know I have already shared how excited I am that we found a church where the Pastor speaks God's Word in a way that lovingly compels us to face the truth about our faith, our actions, our sins, and the love of Christ, which is reflective of the love of God.

I know... I might be getting repetitive...

So rather than go into a lengthy discussion over this week's sermon, which spoke of the witnesses of Jesus' claims as the Son of God, I thought I would share just one of the points that Pastor made that caused me to look inward and question my priorities within my faith.  Very loosely, I have paraphrased that point in the picture below...   It may not make much sense to you out of context...  However, I hope it still causes you to think about your own faith, the tools we have been given to help our faith grow, and the source of our faith- Jesus.

Thanks for coming by and reading my random reflection on today's sermon.  If you would like to read the entire sermon, I believe it will be posted here in a couple days. 

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

When Everything Seems To Go Wrong

As many of you know, I am a MilSpouse. I love my life as MilSpouse. I love being affiliated with the Armed Forces. I love my Veteran status- not for any recognition it might bring me, but because that was the very first job I had where I truly felt proud of what I was doing. I love supporting DH. I love the places the Military has sent us. I love PCSing. I love seeing new places, learning new things, meeting new people, and then moving on again.

Yeah, the moving, for me, is the best part of the Military life we live.

We have been so very blessed with all our previous Military moves in that we have never had any issues.

I have heard so many horror stories. Packers that didn't show. TMO that failed miserably in scheduling. Being FORCED to do a DITY move. Damaged goods. Missing goods. Stolen goods. Kids revolting about a move. No available housing at the new base. No jobs at new base. Cars and trucks breaking down. Luggage lost. Pets lost. Homes don't rent or don't sell.   Etc.  Etc.   If you are a seasoned MilSpouse, you might have a tale or two to share as well.

With our previous moves, we had NONE of those problems. Our packers showed up on time, packed our stuff like they were packing museum pieces, and it all got where it was intended to go with minimal (if any) damage. We never had a problem finding housing- rental or purchase. We did not have issues with the Kiddo. We never had vehicle trouble, flight trouble, luggage, or pet trouble.

 

Then we got orders to PCS this year...

                                                      ...and it has ALL seemed to go so wrong.

 

For every step we take forward, it feels like we are taking five steps back. We had two yard sales before moving. Both of them drew in way more money than we expected to make because we had heard horror stories of haggling yardsalers who tried to rob people blind.  However, in a thriving selling market, our house sat on the market for entirely too long before finally getting an acceptable offer and a subsequent contract. On one hand, we moved out of the old house and into our "in limbo" home (our camper) without a hitch. On the other, within a week of moving in, and during the worst heat at the time for that area, the camper a/c went out.  DH out-processed from his old unit with zero hiccups and we got on the road for our new destination eager and with no problems.  But then a couple hours out, a tire blew forcing us to dish out money we had not expected to and completely altered our travel plans while severely damaging the side of our camper. On one hand, we arrived safe and sound to a beautiful new area where the temperatures might hit the mid-90's and the mountains call us from the near horizon. On the other hand, the camper experienced more issues that require immediate repair, and the place we are camping has only the barest of amenities while charging more and barely taking care of what few amenities there are.

You see- on one hand- this really has been the most difficult move we have made with the Military. One thing after another seems to go wrong, those things listed above are just a small sampling. There is SOOOO much more.  Still, on the other hand, DH and I see these struggles as His hand leading us to Him, forcing us to focus our eyes on Him. Of course, we are still struggling with frustration and worry. I bet that is why He is mixing the pot so well!  

Our prayer... a reminder to ourselves really is this:

"He turned His ear to [our cries throughout all our previous struggles, so we] will call on Him as long as [we] live."

Have you also found yourself in the midst of a struggle, where you felt His hand distinctly in the mix?

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

52 Weeks Of Blogging With A Purpose: A Letter to the New Mom

I discovered this inspiration from a fellow blogger (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder). I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read. So... I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

"Dear New Mommy,

Congratulations on your beautiful bundle of wrinkled skin and ear-piercing cries!  Don't worry, Mama.  All too soon that wrinkled skin will smooth out, and those cries will turn into sweet coos and giggles.  Savor the feel of those tiny fingers as they wrap around your one.  Cherish the feel of your baby's skin against your own.  Whether or not you breast-feed or choose to use formula, those moments where you cuddle with your baby while they suckle will disappear all to quickly.  Don't worry about the chores that don't get done.  Don't worry about the friends whose calls go unanswered.  It is okay to let the world vanish as you spend your first weeks and months getting to know your baby.

As you work your way into the world and introduce your baby to your friends, your family, the errands that consumed your life before, take it slow.  Speak to your baby.  Sing to your baby.  Read to your baby.  But when you need a few minutes to yourself, do not be afraid to leave your baby safely in their crib, even if they are wailing the blues.  Take the time to shave your legs.  Make the time to fix your hair.  Those twenty minutes of time to yourself will help you feel better about your new body, even as you work to shape it back to what it once was.

Take every offer of advice, including that in this letter, with a grain of salt.  Do your own research.  Try your own methods.  Some of the advice given will work like a charm.  Some of it can be dismissed out of hand, because no one knows the dynamic between you and your baby like you do.  Follow your instincts where your baby is concerned, and pay no mind to those other Mommies who think their way is the only way.

Remember that now that you are a Mommy, some friends will disappear.  That is okay.  New friends will come along, not to take those old friend's places, but to fill in the needs you have now.  Remember that your priorities are likely to change, and that is okay as well.  There is no rule book to follow.   You choose.

Don't be afraid of being imperfect.  Your mom was not perfect.  Her mom was not perfect.  No mom in the history of mankind was perfect.  Do not hold yourself to expectations that will ultimately frustrate you and cause you to focus on that more than on the care and upbringing of your baby.

Finally, dear Mommy, if you are a woman of Faith, make every moment a reflection of your faith in God.  Let your baby feel your love, compassion, faith, hope, trust, and respect for a being outside yourself.  Let them see you pray.  Let them hear you praise.  Let them see you reading the Bible.  Let them sit on your lap in church.  Let them know without a doubt that our Lord is real and with us in every moment.

Congratulations again, dear Mommy!  God bless you and your newest, tangible blessing!"

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

101 Blessings

I got a message the other day from another blogger...

"Why did [I] choose the name [I] did [for this blog]?"

I look back over many of my posts. I have not always written from a happy-happy-joy-joy standpoint. For living a "God-blessed life," my blog, my thoughts, my reactions to life are not always cheerful, encouraging, and uplifting. I know. THAT is exactly the point.

No matter how hard my life is... the name of this blog is reminder to me, every single day, to count my blessings. Even as I cope through writing, as I rant and vent and rave, I hope to show that:
1) being a Christian is not all sunshine and roses, butterflies and rainbows, and 2) despite the storms, there are things to be happy for, to thank God for, and to count as blessings.

A couple days ago, the Holy Spirit spoke. He laid my soul bare and convicted me, showing me I was missing something. As I re-evaluate my life, my journey, my prayers- everything- I realized- I am forgetting to count my blessings. So...

Here we go! Are you ready for this? LOL These are bring written off the cuff, I am winging it, because in the case of counting blessings, its almost like brainstorming- just let the thoughts flow. These blessings may not be in order of importance, they may lead me to think of others... So please bear with me. ((and if you like, join me in counting the blessings you have been given))

1. A perfect Savior/Loving Father
2. Love- one I cannot fathom, but can feel indescribably deep within my heart and soul!
3. Faith- that has carried me when hope was slipping
4. Hope
5. Hubby- he was well worth the long wait!
6. Son- the most beautiful, tangible blessing
7. A place to lay my head
8. A roof over my head
9. Food every day
10. Clean water
11. Coffee
12. Chai
13. Soft drinks
14. Wine/Wine coolers (that sometimes make my nose numb and me a wee bit silly!)
15. Music
16. Classical to study by
17. Country to appreciate life by
18. Christian to praise God with
19. Rock to jam out to
20. Techno to dance to
21. Ipod with headphones to listen to music
22. Sunscreen
23. Hot showers
24. Washing machines
25. Clothes line and sunshine
26. Dryers for those rainy days (or because I can't have a clothesline...sigh)
27. Intelligence
28. Curiosity
29. Love for learning
30. Appreciation for God's handiwork: nature
31. Sunsets
32. Cloud formations- especially the really big fluffy ones!
33. Thunderstorms/rain
34. Lightening- God's fireworks!
35. My cat
36. My dog
37. A family that loves to cuddle
38. My siblings- those who share my blood, and those who are extensions of our family
39. My baby sister
40. My baby sister's family- who each hold a special piece of my heart
41. Friends (and their families)
42. Acquaintances
43. Lessons learned
44. Friends who last despite falling out, despite distance, despite change, despite time
45. Ice cream
46. Chocolate syrup
47. Modern technology
48. The ability to work from home
49. Dreams coming true
50. Clothes- namely jeans, socks, and sweaters.. LOL
51. Hair bands/ponytail holders
52. Hair straighteners
53. Hair cremes (to control frizz)
54. Humor
55. Tenderness
56. Compassion
57. Charity
58. Making enough to share with those in need
59. Prayer
60. Conversation
61. Opinions
62. Respect
63. The Bible
64. Favorite verses/Life verses
65. Johnny Cash
66. Cushions on otherwise hard chairs
67. Fleece blankets
68. Trees
69. Flowers
70. Indoor plumbing
71. Working vehicles
72. The ability to dream together with the one I promised to spend my life with
73. Family trips
74. Cameras
75. Auto-focus
76. AA batteries
77. A job I love
78. Mountains
79. Return clients
80. New clients
81. Job offers
82. Memorable moments
83. Moments that catch your breath and make your heart beat fast
84. Kitty litter
85. Litter scoop (hehe)
86. Good health
87. Low humidity
88. Kisses from my Kiddo
89. Cuddles from my Kiddo
90. Deep conversations about life, games, faith, and rocks (with the Kiddo, of course)
91. Pizza
92. Sunrise
93. Waking up every morning
94. Chocolate chips cookies
95. Pancakes
96. Shoes
97. Dish soap
98. Hot water
99. Church
100. Internet
101. YOU!  For taking the time to read this ...  :)

God bless you!

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

When the Spirit Speaks...

I was going to write about "Customs and Courtesies" today- specifically proper procedures when outside during the playing of Reveille and Retreat.  However, this morning, as I was driving out to our new hometown to register the Kiddo for school, I was listening to K-Love...  And was overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit.

The first song, that I was able to sing all the way through without choking up, was "10,000 Reasons" by Matt Redman.   The song speaks to me of all the blessings He has granted to me.  So many more than I deserve.

The next song was "Hurricane" by Natalie Grant.  Previously, the song has not meant much to me.  I listened.  I hummed along.   But, this morning, the song hit home... and the Holy Spirit spoke to me reminding me that we are on the precipice, and He is there to catch us and lift us, even in the midst of the hurricane swirling around us right now.

Then came on Plumb's "Need You Now."  I love Plumb.  Plumb has been one of my favorite CCM artists for many, many years.  This song is no different.  Yet this morning as I tried to sing along, I could not.  Suddenly overcome with feelings and emotions that had no trigger- proof of the Holy Spirit getting my attention, all I could do was listen- listen to the musical reminder to just call out to Him.

Finally, the song that threw me over the edge, almost forcing me to pull over because I was so overcome with conviction, direction, hope, and promise was "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns.  Also one of my favorite songs.  A song I recommend to many of my friends and family as they are walking through their own struggles, the Lord used it on me- to minister to me. To remind me of His Presence even when I could swear He has stepped back.

This morning, the Holy Spirit spoke.  I have not experienced His presence so strong in a very long time.  The incredible awe and wonder ...  the complete immersion in the Presence of God... even there on an Interstate surrounded by other travelers eager to get to their destinations... even there with no Bible handy...  Even there...  There He met ME and held me close.  Today, He reminded me of His promise that He is with me no matter what.

Praise God!

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: Goals For Motherhood

I discovered this inspiration from a fellow blogger (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder). I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read. So... I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

This week's topic: Goals for Motherhood

Um... Okay... Where to start. Like most Moms, I imagine my goals are set with the best of intentions. Like many Moms, I have seen myself fall short of my goals. I have realized some goals are impossible to achieve as I am imperfect. I have realized some goals are impractical and need to be changed as my child grows and changes.

My first goal is to be an incredible wife to my child's father. It is important to me that my son see what true love, devotion, commitment, respect, and trust are. These are things he should see and experience at home before he seeks it out in the world. By striving to be an incredible, note- I did not say perfect, wife to my DH, I hope I will also show my son the qualities he should look for someday when he starts looking at young ladies to date and marry. I hope he is able to see past our imperfections and see the love we have for each other as the years go by.

My second goal is to remember that my son is not a number. Just because he is a certain age does not mean I cannot expect more from him, or allow him to act immaturely sometimes. Just because he is going into a certain grade in school does not mean he is not ready for education well beyond that age-classing, or responsibilities typically reserved for much older children. He has already proven he is wise beyond his years, but with the heart and playfulness sometimes of a toddler. I hope to remember to react to his personality as a whole and not based on how old he is.

My third goal is to give my son the tools he needs to learn how to fly. Of course, every Mom wants to see their children succeed. However, I see more and more Moms throw everything they have at their children to force their success- whether its in school projects, sports, beauty pageants, dances, etc. I think that is all great and good, but I think for my son, the best way to allow him to grow and enjoy success is to give him the tools he needs, teach him how to use them, and step back and watch him go. I want him to work for what he wants. I want him to understand that a free-ride is never free- if he isn't paying for it, someone else IS. I don't want him to accept pity, charity, and handouts. I want him to take pride in his work- whatever that work may be. I want him to learn work ethics that build up rather than tear down. I honestly beleive I will get more enjoyment from watching him fly on his own than if I have to carry him the entire way. However, on the flip side, I hope I also give him the ability to handle failure when he fails at something, and the courage to get up and try again.

My fourth goal is to make time with my son a priority. Working from home has proven that I work harder to make less money (at least for now as I am building my own business) in order to be at home with my son. I do not mind, but I tend to find myself caught up in work to the detriment of quality time with the Kiddo. I see this as a problem especially now while school is still out, and I struggle to balance my time so my clients remain satisfied with my time tables, and my son does not feel neglected. For now, I am using my time working from home to teach him, to guide him, and to share my work with him. Doing this has opened doors in his mind to new interests as he explored "imitating Mama."

My final goal, and the most important, is to lead a Godly example for him to follow. DH and I are both Christians, and we both make every attempt to include the Kiddo in discussions about the Bible, about God, about Jesus, and everything our faith means to us. Our hope is not just that our son also becomes a Christian, but that he realizes the miracle of salvation and grace, and that in the deepest and darkest days of his life, he will be able to feel our Lord's embrace.

There a myriad other goals I strive for as a Mother. Too many too list, so many I cannot even remember them all. One thing I know- my goals for motherhood will probably vary from other Moms. The order of importance I place on my goals will differ from those another Mom makes.

That is okay. Being a Mom is not a competition. The minute it becomes one- we are doing something very wrong.

*****************************

If you liked this post, or any others you read while visiting A God-Blessed Life, please let me know by clicking on the "Top Mommy Blogs" button in the right column.

As always, I am eager to hear your thoughts, so please leave a comment sharing your thoughts or sharing your blog!

*****************************

Silver Linings

Yesterday, I posted about the effects of Sequestration. Its a real thing. Its hurting the military ranks. It is also being used as a cop-out, and I am dealing with that aspect of it this week. I am angry- no furious- and frustrated. However, after ranting as much as I am able, and knowing that my ranting will get me nothing more than a headache, while giving everyone around me the impression that I am a hot-head - of course, how would they know anything different, when the first time they deal with me is over their own incompetence? SIGH

 

And there I go again. I am still HOT about the situation, the "reasons," the excuses. Completely let down. Once again, having the military slam it in my face that my family does not matter is a hard pill to swallow. Granted, a bunch of incredible spouses have commiserated, have jumped up and gotten answers for me, and have offered a helping hand. For them I am INCREDIBLY thankful. Yet, no amount of kindness from spouses who can nothing more than exactly that can erase the neglect and disdain from the people who are supposed to also be caring for the families- the leadership.

 

And again... I am completely forgetting WHY I sat down to write this post this morning. Obviously, I need to step back. In prayer this morning, I am trying to let it go. I am trying to turn my gaze away from the frustration. As I laid in bed, with the sunrise streaming through the window, and the cool breeze touching my face, and the birdsong filtering through, I realized I NEED to again call on my practice to count my blessings. There are so VERY many of them.

  

I firmly believe the way my day turns out starts first thing in the morning when I CHOOSE- yes, you read that right- when I CHOOSE to be positive or I CHOOSE to be negative. Yesterday, I allowed the ugly side of the day to get to me, and I chose to cling to that instead of choosing to say my piece and let it go. I CHOSE to get worked up about it. See, there is a difference between having feelings- like my hurt and frustration and anger- and allowing those feelings to control you. Yesterday, I let those feelings control me. And I feel guilt over my words. I threw an adult tantrum. No matter whether I was right or wrong, the way I went about sharing my concerns has likely taped a HUGE label on my forehead. So, today, I CHOOSE to force myself to step away. I CHOOSE to mentally slap myself out of it, and see those silver linings.

 

 First- we live in a place where we actually get rain. Granted, I think we happened to move here in time for the rainy season, but still. We have gotten more rain during the short time that we have lived here, than we have gotten in the past year in San Angelo. And the thunder and the lightening! I tell you what- WOW! I have always loved the raw power of a thunderstorm, and we have seen it several times now since moving here.

Of course, after every afternoon shower or storm, we are blessed with reminders of the silver lining. Reminders of a power that will care for us no matter how people let us down. I have seen this daily reminder of God's promise at least every other day since moving here. I don't think I even saw this many rainbows when we lived in Hawaii! Its incredible!

San Angelo sunsets will never be beat in my opinion. I have seen sunsets on the beaches of Florida. I have seen sunsets from the Appalachians. I have seen sunsets in Hawaii. Now, I have seen sunsets in the Rockies. Of course, each sunset is unique and beautiful. There is no denying that. And while these sunsets over the mountains still take my breath away, and cause my heart to flutter, I still think San Angelo sunsets with their brilliant shades of purples, pinks, and blues are my favorite. And yet, I am consistently drawn to watch the sun set over the mountains every evening.

Ah... The silver linings that actually keep me grounded. My guys. What would I do without them? Both of them had to listen to me rant and rave yesterday. On one side, DH completely agrees. We are definitely in agreement over the disappointment we feel over the situation. However, while I was raring to go jumping up and down on someone's desk, he had already taken a much more calmer stance. After all, and he is right, what will that do? Nothing. So, DH listened, offered his agreements and disagreements, and allowed me to vent, vent, vent. By the time I was done, frankly, I was a bit ashamed of myself, at which point, he knew to simply hug me and be supportive and let the matter drop. --- Now --- the Kiddo... He knows the best way to diffuse Mama Bear is to love on her. Hug her, kiss her, cuddle with her. Throw endless amounts of affection at this Mama and she melts right away. And who doesn't love that?

I know today is a brand new day. While it does not erase yesterday, the problems from yesterday seem much smaller today. Today is fresh, and bright, and new. I have the promise of a God who loves me, of a DH who stands by me, and a Kiddo who is tender and affectionate. I am in a new, beautiful place surrounded with proof of His Majesty and Power. I am in a new place with new people to meet and befriend and develop relationships with. Today is a great day to CHOOSE to be different than I was yesterday.

*********************************************************************************
To see more of those things that take my breath away, visit my photo page "Where We Live."

52 Weeks of Blogging With A Purpose: My Life 5 Years From Now

I discovered this inspiration from one of my followers (Janelle at Wild Blue Yonder).  I have plenty of my own stuff to share, but I fear all those things I wish to share are not necessarily what everyone wants to read.  So...  I thought I would join Janelle in participating in this blog event (inspired by Becky at From Mrs. to Mama).

Ah... Where will I be five years from now? 

As a MilSpouse I can confidently say that only God and the Air Force knows.  hahaha

Okay, seriously.  Since I cannot for sure tell you where I will physically be, and frankly, I am not sure I want to because I certainly do not want all you people getting there before me.  LOL  So, lets just go with the things I know for sure, and the things I hope will be in five years.

As you can tell, in my mid-30's, I have enough gray hair to be mistaken for an older woman.   (and I do, all the time...)  I do not mind, my gray hair is a testament to the struggles I have and am walking through- lessons learned, wisdom gained, failures and successes. 

First, I can confidently say that unless my Lord calls me home before then, I will be 40 years old.  Now, I know most women (and men for that matter) hate the "Big 0's" in their lives.  I remember all my peers fussing over turning 30, and I have some friends who have surpassed 40, 50, and even 60 years of age.  Many of them seem to think that aging into the next decade means they have magically appeared older, that their bodies are going to suddenly start to fall apart, that they are over-night less attractive to their significant other, and the list goes on and on.  For me, I have never been concerned about getting older.  It might be due to the fact that I tend to gravitate toward older men and women as people I can better relate to, find to be easier to talk to, and seek to learn from.  Maybe.  Or it might be because I simply do not care that I am aging.  Another birthday, outside of celebrating with the people I love the most, is simply another day.  I have never woken up on a birthday and felt older.  I have never woken up on a birthday, looked in the mirror, and suddenly thought to myself that I have instantly fallen apart at the seems.  No.  Birthdays- particularly the ones that have a zero at the end, do not concern me beyond the surreal feeling of realizing that I have been on this planet for x number of years and do not feel like it has been that long at all.

 

Second, I will be the mother of a teenager.  Now, compared to birthdays, the concept of being a mom to a teen scares the crud out of me! Certainly, I am not the first mom to feel apprehension over having a teen in the house, nor will I be the last.  However, if you read my previous post where I revealed my great reluctance and fears over being a Mom to begin with, you might appreciate my concern over this stage in my life as a Mom.  I have great faith that he will surpass my expectations even as he will test his boundaries at every turn.  I am certain he will prove himself to be both independent, dependable, atypical, and just as hormonal as any other teen that has ever lived.  Plus, I am fairly certain that any particular pain or worry or struggle that I forced upon my own parents will come back to haunt me in the form of his teenage adventures.  I hope and pray that the Lord leads me (and my Kiddo.) 

 

Third, I will still be wife to DH, much as he might wish to trade me in for two younger versions (as he jokes from time to time.)  He will not get rid of me that easy!  LOL  In five years, DH and I will have been married for fourteen years.  Well.... ACTUALLY... We will have been married for three and half years, since we were married on Leap Day in 2004.  (His idea... and no, he does not get out of remembering our Anniversary every year, in case you gents are thinking this is a great way to not get in trouble for forgetting your wedding anniversary.)  We make it a point to celebrate each other every year, but on every Leap Year, we plan a special trip, weekend getaway, or vacation for just the two of us to really celebrate our love for each other.  Year 14 won't be one of those years, but no matter what we do or where we are, I am eager to celebrate this life together with him.

Fourth, I certainly hope that I have my degree by then.  I started going back to school in hopes of gaining my Bachelor's in Environmental Science by the Winter of 2011.  Life happened, and that goal was pushed back to the Winter of 2012.   Life happened again, and now I have been forced to push the date back even further.  Granted, I could sacrifice other things so I could concentrate on school.  Getting my degree is very important to me as I am the first person in my family who has the means and the opportunity to do so.  However, in comparison to being Wife and Mom, gaining that degree is trivial to me when I think of the time I might be missing as my marriage grows, as my child grows.  If it comes down to it, the degree can wait.  I have never been career driven.  I do not understand it, and do not want it (which is probably why I will never get into a really "good" job, because I also am very blunt about the fact that my family will ALWAYS come first, even at the expense of job responsibilities.)

Fifth, I get to share with you the "when I grow up" blurb.  Regarding that degree, the one I want, but not THAT bad.  I do hope to someday work for the National Park Service or the Forestry Division.  I wish that might happen within the next five years, but as with the degree, so long as I feel like DH or the Kiddo need me home (or close to home) more, I will simply not take on that kind of job.  However, if I were able, I hope to be able to teach in a park setting.  I want to teach about creation, about the perfect balance in nature and how we can help protect, support, and preserve that balance.  I hope that I will have the opportunity to prove that God's hand is in every aspect of this world, and how nature proves it.

 

Sixth, in five years time, I hope to be an established author.  I love, love, love to write.  However, I also put that aside in regards to my family.  (Do NOT misunderstand... I do NOT regret putting myself last- that is simply part of who I am.)  Recently, I started writing a Bible Study for women associated with our Armed Forces.  Currently, its in limbo as we are moving, deciding, planning, and settling, and as my study materials are all in a crate somewhere until we move into a house.  However, I believe the Lord wishes me to write it, and it excites me to think He may open the doors to get it published.  Then there is my personal writing.  I am co-writing with an incredible author, plus I am writing a novel of my own.  I would be so thrilled and honored to see both of the books in print. 

Finally, in five years time, I hope that DH and I will have been able to instill in our Kiddo the love we have for our God, for our planet, and for our country.  I hope that, since he will be at that tender teenage year, we will have instilled in him the ability to think for himself, but also the ability to stand up for what is right, and the ability to stand firm in the midst of the "everyone else is doing it" mentality.  I hope in five years, that DH and I will have become more than parents to the Kiddo, that we will have become his mentors, his confidantes, and his closest friends.  I often tell the Kiddo now that I am not his friend, I am his Mommy.  However, in the world we live in, I truly do hope when he is surrounded by the teenage struggles that he can feel comfortable and confident in coming to us for help, advice, and an ear or shoulder.

I could speculate all day long about what my life might look like five years from now.  However, one thing I have learned, from even before being a part of the Military community, is that when I plan, God laughs.  Seriously.  He does!  None of my own plans have ever come to fruition in the ways I had hoped.  Every single time, I have been sent in a different, sometimes opposite direction.  Sometimes, those things I had planned for come about in a different way, at a different point in my life than I expected; sometimes I look back and see those plans were shot down permanently and replaced with His will that, in retrospect, was so much better than what I had planned for and hoped for.  (Duh!  Isn't that always the way?)  So, I will find this particular post interesting to read five years from now to see how my hopes have panned out, how my confident predictions have come through or not. 

Till then...  :)   God bless!